Breast cancer

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Husband now diagnosed with Bladder Cancer

peterawake
Posted by

When will the stress end! My diagnosis last year, Husband already had advanced Parkinson's and now he's had Bladder Cancer diagnosed.  I currently feel total despair with it all, and angry at the unfairness of it all.  Sorry, for moaning but I just need to off load how I feel. 

Londonmumof2
Posted by

Oh that's so awful! Sometimes it feels like the bad luck will never end and it's all a struggle:(  Does he still live at home, or does he need more care? My father in law had Parkinson's disease for almost 20 years,  and it does get harder... Have they decided to try and treat the cancer or would it be too difficult for him?

Sending hugs ((()))

Margaret x

AnnJac
Posted by

Sending huge hugs.

Anne xx

peterawake
Posted by

Hi Londonmumof2,

Thank you for your reply. He still lives at home and since my diagnosis I've found it more of a struggle with him and the effects of the Parkinson's, mainly because my head has been all over the place dealing with my diagnosis and fear of the future. I'm sorry to have to admit that the pressure of the Parkinson's on top of my diagnosis has been an overload, so now another diagnosis is making my head spin. He is having an operation to remove the Tumour, I'm hoping he manages that ok, they've been reluctant to give him anesthetic previously for small things that have gone wrong for him but obviously now it has to be done. 

Best Wishes.

Grogg
Posted by

Sorry you are having such a tough time.  Try to find timne for you even though I understand it might only be less than an hour a day - just allocate a time that you just sit and empty your head of thoughts.  Make sure his medical team know you have your own health issues do they don’t put pressure on you 

seaspirit44
Posted by

Big hugs , xxxx

Onwards and flatwards (don't do hills) and keep walking if you can!

peterawake
Posted by

Hi Grogg,

Thank you for your reply. Today I certainly wanted to empty my head of thoughts, cause it was exploding with stress, I felt like I really couldn't cope, but thankfully it was a sunny day, I sat in the garden for half an hour and felt much better when I went back in.  Had his CT scan today, the NHS has moved at such a pace, only saw the GP last Tuesday, by Monday saw the Consultant and had the camera. Been excellent so far.

Grogg
Posted by

glad you found a bit of space !  When my hubby was in hospital last year I had to visit everyday after work because he was flat on his back 24/7 due to breaking his back and neck (thankfully he can now walk) and was totally dependent on staff hearing his buzzer if he needed help. Sometime he had to text me in work to ask me to ring so he could have a pee bottle!  Did this for 6 weeks before they moved him 49 miles away for rehab!  I was permanently exhausted but I used to go in after work, help him with his food,  put his phone / tablet in charge have a chat then go and then if he had other visitors I would go and sit outside in my own for 30 minutes!  I’m used to get chatting to so many people outside, one woman if 80 who had just told her husband where to go as he was being so difficult   She’d had enough of his attitude even though he was very ill.  I had a bounty in my bag which I shouldn’t eat as diabetic!  I offered her one bar and she didn’t want to deprive me but I pointed out she was doing me a favour.  I think we both cheered each other up as it’s ok to be fed up with being under pressure. 

So everyday be kind to yourself for a few minutes a day xx

Londonmumof2
Posted by

Hi again Peterawake,

Have you contacted your local council social services team to see if you can get some help? Even if it was a few hours one a week so that you could do something for yourself? Or does the council also offer day respite to allow home carers a break? My mum had dementia,  and in her care home there would be a couple of people come once or twice a week and their relatives would collect them on the evening.  Being a carer is really tough. I supported my mum and organised her day centre,  doctor,  shopping etc.  for her for 9 years before she went into the home and I still remember the stress! 

Make sure you don't neglect yourself:) x

peterawake
Posted by

Hi Londonmumof2,

Thankyou for your message, it's so good of you to take the time to offer some suggestions of how to get help. Currently I've got help from a lady privately, which is helping a lot. I know what you mean about neglecting myself it's easy to forget about yourself. 

Best Wishes.