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Good morning all
I have never joined an online community before but am feeling very low and feel I need support.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in September 2018 and had 2 rounds of chemo. Unfortunately, I was very sensitive to it and was admitted to hospital after each treatment. As a result it was stopped and I had a mastectomy at the end of January. The cancer had spread to the lymph nodes and not all could be cleared in the operation so it will be control now rather than cure. I am now having a different regime of treatment - 6 rounds of herceptin, pertuzamab and docytaxil. I have had 2 lots so far. I had an allergic reaction to the first round and was admitted for observation so the second lot was spread over 3 days and that seems to have worked but has left me feeling so low.
My husband died very suddenly a few months before I was diagnosed but I do have a wonderful, grown up son and great friends. I am afraid, however, of causing them sympathy overload and don’t want to keep bothering them. I have tried hard to be upbeat and positive throughout all that has happened but suddenly find that I am having real difficulty coping and can’t seem to stop crying. Perhaps it is the cumulative effect of the drugs. Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else is having a similar reaction. (Sorry to sound so negative in my first post!)
welcome to the online community, sorry you've had to come and find us
you need a hug
Sorry to hear about your husband but glad you have family and friends around you.
You're allowed to have a wallow now and then and having a good cry usually helps.
Marvellous though these drugs are they do have side effects and low mood does seem to be one of them.
On a day to day basis we have some very popular threads in the breast group, have you had a look around ?
real life success stories to remind you that people do survive breast cancer
Dr Peter Harvey
I have been very low midweek of second week Feel like I want to die but it does get better
Big hugs Poppypoppy. So sorry you are having such an awful time. Sending love ️
Onwards and flatwards (don't do hills) and keep walking if you can!
Thank you seaspirit44. It’s lovely to see some friendly words. I appreciate it.
Thank you Anna the brave. AlthoughI wouldn’t wish
this on anyone, it helps to know that I’m not alone.
So sorry you are feeling low. You have had a severe bereavement which is hard enough, without the worry of cancer. I have had two husbands die of cancer, was flooded ,living on my own, in 2007, and then a double mastectomy, radiotherapy etc. last year, and somehow have managed to keep going day by day, but really do know how you are feeling. The Macmillan site is a good support, because we are all women struggling with not wanting to upset our circle of friends and family..some of the younger ones have the fear of not being there for their babies or children, and the older ones, like me, don't want to be a nuisance. So we all soldier on. We are a brave sympathetic crowd and anyone reading your post will understand and have probably been there. So you aren't alone.
I can only say that each day is different..some turn out better than you expect, others are worse, but we are still alive and so the only thing we can do is take each day as it comes; make the effort if possible to do things which help..speak to Maggies ( they are very good at helping people get back on their feet) watch a film with a friend..(like Mama Mia perhaps) try to forget cancer for a while by keeping busy, treat yourself to something, but keep going. We never know what is round the corner..there are lots of new developments in research..I am finding gardening helps.just choosing a few flowers or herbs and planting them is a gesture of hope. Try to catch up on the Monty Don gardening world BBC One where one of his young presenters Rachel spoke last week about her cancer battle. And most of all feel the love and support from all your anonymous friends here. We help each other. Lots of love xxx
Thank you Carolyn28. That really helps.
Thank you Calador for your kind words and really helpful suggestions. That is lovely.
Poppypoppy wanted to send you a hug and love. It s totally understandable that you’ve felt low and sad and it’s great that you reach out to us all, it’s a courageous thing to do, because it signals to me that your a fighter and it also encourages others to do the same so thank you it sounds like you have had So much loss in your life and you are still finding your way forward through the chaos. I find it helpful to have a real good cry and then remind myself what I have etc I also think it’s so important to be kind to ourselves, in every way and only do what we can, without feeling guilty.
Hi Poppypoppy, sorry you are feeling so low. Just wanted to say I can relate to what you are going through and think you are very very brave.
You have said some really lovely things. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It helps a great deal.
That is so kind. I don’t feel brave but I am trying!
Hi Poppypoppy. What Carolyn said is so true these drugs do have side effects and some days it just gets really too much !!!
2012 :my 90yr old dad died, it was a difficult relationship emotionally( explosive temper towards me started when I was 3 yrs old). but I made my peace with him before he passed away in Hospital. The same year my partner decided that he wanted to relive his youth and split up with me.
2013: I was diagnosed with initial breast cancer low stage 2 so had lumpectomy and radiotherapy ( included radiotherapy damage). Next Cellulitis then Lymphoedema in op breast, both cleared up. Then 10 yrs of Arimidex ( Astra Zeneca) anti oestrogen tablets. I was told by Oncologist at that stage; no evidence of disease. I wish I had known at that time the reoccurrence for breast cancer is one in three. Another Oncologist informed me of this.
2016 :My 92 yr old mum had a fall in a Care home ( a really nice one ) and died of a Pulmonary embolism, just as I arrived following a 5 hrs journey to visit her. I had not told her that I had been diagnosed with initial breast cancer as she was emotionally frail ( like my dad). She had been adopted ( not in a kind family). I had to deal with all the aftermath of her death completely on my own as no siblings and I have no children. Her brother ( not blood) had also been adopted, at 90 he attended the funeral driven by his second wife’s daughter.
2018 : Diagnosed 4/1/18 with Secondary Breast Cancer with Mets stage 4. Without treatment told by Oncologist 6-18 months. With treatment a number of years possible. Last summer post isotope bone scan I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis at the base of my spine this causes me back pain.
In between all that I’ve worked full time as a youth worker in North London, for a local authority ( 18 yrs) . Now retired on ill heath grounds.
Nov 2018 : blood clots in lungs ( 1 in 10 people with cancer get DVT legs or lungs blood clots read this on a poster in Chemo waiting room) to present Daily stomach injections at GP ( blood thinner Tinzaparin) and DN visits weekends. I hate needles. Hope to go on tablets beginning of June,
Today and yesterday, felt really low in particular, finished my 2 weeks chemo tablets cycle ( Capecitabine) and as usual wipe out tiredness. Cold sweats, Visited surgery Nurse following injection called in GP ( really lovely person) who advised me to go to A&E ( she provided letter) & ordered me a taxi, I was going to get bus.
Yesterday: arrived at A& E on my own, had bloods taken, chest X-ray ( bringing up green phlegm). Whole process took 5 hours, I got bus home at 11:15pm, highlight : passed a hedgehog out on a night walk.
Bloods: white cells, low but not dangerous, chest X-ray clear.
Today: visited Oncology Centre for next weeks 2 week cycle I’m on my 7 days break. Just broke down and cried, Chemo nurse said you probably have an infection in lungs. I showed her phone pic of gunge. So tomorrow I’m to ask for antibiotics, when I have my daily injection, I’m wondering if I should also increase to a higher dose of Duloxetine ( anti d).
I will also contact the Macmillan counsellor too, as feel completely fed up. Thank you for reading.
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