I thought he was my biggest supporter

Hi Fede

Sorry to hear that you were diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and that your relationship ended because of your illness.  While I haven't gone through a relationship breakup like you because of breast cancer I noticed that you haven't had any replies yet so I thought I'd reply to you to move you to the top of the discussion.  Hopefully someone will be along shortly with some advice for you.

Best wishes

Daisy53

Hi Fede,

I am so sorry to learn of your circumstances, being diagnosed with cancer is bad enough, I know a few months ago I had a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed, however, I was not in a position were a relationship broke up. I can’t begin to comprehend how you feel, but I think some people just can’t handle serious illness, not that it excuses his behaviour, but it may help to understand it.

You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks, help with benefits, bills, open 10-4 Mon-Fri for coffee and chat and lots more. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me.

You have come through so much because your an amazing strong woman and as hard as this is at the moment, don’t let it destroy what you’ve achieved so far. If he doesn’t want to be there for at a time like this, then to me, he is not worth your tears and pain, and in time you will realise you are better off without him. Please talk to Macmillan, they are great listeners and it can be in complete confidence, or at least a close friend.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

Keeping fingers and everything crossed for you.

Take care, love and big hugs.xxx

I don’t think there is a quick way tbh. The pain of loosing your love and future plans is so harsh. There are some amazingly supportive men out there but sadly, as other posters have found, there are some really unsupportive partners too. My husband left me after 32 years for someone 10 years younger, I was devastated, I couldn’t believe I was nearly 50 (at the time) and we’d built so much together and it genuinely took me about 5 years to come to terms with it. So everything takes its own time I think.

About support though. The first time I had breast cancer, I was still married with a 4 year old and because people thought I was being supported by him, they kept their distance. We split and 2 years later I was diagnosed again. The support I had from friends was really much better because they knew I was alone otherwise. It will not replace your lost imagined future but please reach out to people and let them know your change in circumstances. Hopefully they will be there to help you through your heartbreak and your cancer. All the best xx

Hi Fede, sorry to hear what you're going through. I was diagnosed around a month ago but don't have a partner, we split a while before due to his issues but I honestly think if I had been diagnosed while we were together then he wouldn't have been able to support me as he's not that strong. I'm finding my experience easier single because I don't have to consider a partner and what they might be feeling, and I don't have to worry about how they will react to my body. I'm 52 though, I assume you're quite a bit younger as you've spoken about having children, and I've kind of got used to the fact that life is easier alone. This experience is hard enough without you having to worry about your partner, I'd imagine the stress of that is preventing you from focussing on what's important, you and your recovery. Heartbreak is difficult at the best of times but you should be celebrating your achievements because they are huge x