Feeling Overwhelmed

Hello to everyone! Sorry for the long post. Got out of the shower four weeks ago and noticed in the mirror that I had a HUGE black, black bruise on the side of my right breast. No idea where it came from. I'm sure I would have remembered if someone had knocked me that badly! Felt a lump underneath the bruise. Managed to get a same-day appointment with my GP (usually unheard of). She immediately referred me to the breast unit of my local hospital and got me in the following week. After a mammogram there was the ultrasound to go through. Fully expecting her to say it's just a cyst, I wasn't expecting her to say that it was in TWO places! What? I had to sit and wait to see a consultant who told me that we were probably looking at breast cancer! I'm sorry, can you just repeat that? You know that something is going on when you're shown into a private room and they go and get your husband from the waiting room.

I was assigned my Specialist Breast Care Nurse (who is just lovely). She told me that four of them had looked at my images and, even if the results come back negative, they would ask for another test. That's how sure they were of what we were dealing with.

I was diagnosed two weeks ago - Stage 2 (in both areas) connected by a calcium stream, which they don't know yet whether it's cancerous ER+ HER2-  Undergoing my single mastectomy next Tuesday. Apparently they will do more testing to determine what further treatment I require, although my surgeon has said she thinks I will require a "not insignificant amount" of radiotherapy. I am putting off my reconstruction till later - 1. because if I need radiotherapy it could affect the reconstruction, and 2. apparently I'm too f*****g fat! No, my consultant did not call me fat! She just said that as my BMI is over 30 then she wouldn't be happy putting me through a longer operation that absolutely necessary.

After diagnosis I made the mistake of googling everything - huge mistake! I have had two meltdowns (usually on a Tuesday for some reason)! I usually have a fantastic  memory but at the minute I have described my brain as an overstuffed bin, and if I try to take in any other information, two other pieces fall out. I can start a sentence and either can't remember a word I want to use, or I forget altogether what I was talking about.

I feel like this has been going on for months but couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was only diagnosed two weeks ago!

I'm trying to take one step at a time but it's so hard! I find I'm wanting to talk to everyone and anyone who will listen and boring the pants off them in the process. See, I'm rambling again. Sorry, future posts will be shorter - I promise!

  • Hi im sorry to hear all this.  I cant imagine how you must be feeling as im awaiting my results on Thursday and im a complete mess! Xx

  • Hi and welcome ,sorry to here your news ,I know you don't want to be here but it is the best place to be when you in this situation . I too like to tell all social media great for this .I also use my warped sense of humour to cope . Whatever tool that helps maud sense .

    I was called back from mammogram they had found calcification,no lumps to be found either by ultra sound or surgeon .two weeks later biopsy back with results being invasive carcinoma and invasive ducal carcinoma 50mm area .

    lovely conversation about how he was coming in to say mastectomy but because I have big boobs could do lumpectomy so after being given more info what do I want to do mastectomy says me ..are you sure ..what ? You must be sure I'm 70 boob done its job ..must be sure I'm going  home to think ok come back in morning 

    Strangest conversation I've ever had !im still trying to work out how come no lump .

    next morning a radiologist thinks it could be smaller area . So second biopsy rushed thru thus proves changes occurring so I made stronger decision for right side mastectomy. This was last Tuesday on Thursday I had my op . 8 days after diagnosis. Came home today . Tired but ok

    .i also googled in the short space of time I had and read everything I could .

    I decided no reconstruction as I'm too old to be bothered 70 but that's my choice . Surgeon wants to do reduction of good side for balance ( maybe I'll fall over ) I have bad back so even would be better , so there you go I can ramble as well. I can also tell family that yes I am going to get ratty and tired .also my head full so get out of it . But I'm coping with help and support of places like this

    . Take care 

    feel free to ramble 

    love and hugs xoxo

    One step at a time and ...Breathe !
  • Thank you Northerner. My brain has jumped from "No Reconstruction - they've served their purpose" to "Definitely Reconstruction - I'll fall over" to "I'm going to look weird!" so good to know it's a new kind of normal. I also have a very weird, warped sense of humour which not everyone gets! xx

  • When I had my mastectomy in 2013, I wasn't sure whether I wanted reconstruction or not, but they didn't give me a choice of immediate reconstruction so I didn't have to make that choice before the initial surgery. 

    As I was undecided, they decided to give me radiotherapy over an extended period - instead of 15 sessions, I had 25. This was the same overall dosage over a longer period in order that the skin and underlying tissue was damaged as little as possible for a reconstruction down the line. I was lucky that I had VERY few side effects skin-wise just a very slight pink tinge in the last couple of sessions (it turns out that I do have some long -lasting lung issues, but they wouldn't affect reconstruction)

    Just letting you know this in case you decide that immediate reconstruction is not for you - it might be that this method of radiation might be an option! 

    Good luck, whatever you decide!

    Best wishes



  • H lizzieb16 thought it might help to tell you I'm an F cup so wide hence I could fall over or as I said to surgeon look lopsided RoflJoy I asked for softies ( portable boobies ) On day we decided mastectomy needed .then went to good old m&s for bra.

    I felt I would possibly be too vulnerable to go after op . Also managed to get soft sport type bra from Asda online both have been approved by bcare nurse

    Sooo ! Yesterday when I was getting dressed to come home I dressed without bra so yes lopsided ( not bragging but I'm top heavy) had good look in mirror .Then put bra on with right side soft prosthetic. Asda. And ask ward nurse to check . It felt and look fine . I was so comfortable coming out .

    my surgeon agreed with me that I don't want a reconstruction but could discuss later if I want . But he would recommend, for me , a reduction on good size to balance with prosthetic got visitors will come back 

    One step at a time and ...Breathe !
  • Sorry back now ..finding I can't multitask at the minute ha ha .

    so where were we ?

    So surgeon would recommend a reduction in a few months which is when I decided he might be worried about me falling over Rolling eyes This will be discussed at a later date .when I'm over initial shock and thinks have calmed down a bit ..I have never liked roller coasters !!

    my next step is dressing removal tomorrow .Then get to our caravan in lakes to chill before review meeting .Think wobble might come back for that meeting , but at least I will find out if I have anything else to deal with. 

    Sorry for long post any questions bout op or post op just ask just remember this is my experience each person has there own story .this is your story with your choices to make just gather as much inBlush as possible to help you .Then you to can share in the hope it helps someone else Blush

    One step at a time and ...Breathe !
  • Thank you all so much x

  • Only found out its definitely tuesday i have breast cancer. Was told 23mm from ultra sound. Then today told its much bigger than first though. Only had biopsy done today. Was getting my head round the idea of having a marble sizes mass removed. Today shes told my how unlevel i would be. So im looking at a breast reduction done at the same time. My point is my bmi is 40. Im an h cup she think ill be c/d cup. The pictures horrified me. Im a chunky and my boobs balance me out. I know the op will save my life but it feels like its losing my identity. Im vain, scared and lost. I know how you feel. Im angry confused cant stop crying. Now im rambling x

  • Fallenangel1 Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I have been told that as my BMI's 35.2 that I will have to lose a ton of weight before they'll even consider my reconstruction or breast reduction on the other side. I have decided to take small steps, one at a time. We are having to make really important decisions very quickly. My head is 'buzzing' with all the information I've tried to take in. Breathe deeply and slowly Fallenangel1 - We can do this. I want to get back to normal but I know that's never going to happen, but as my eldest son said to me "Mum, it'll just be a different kind of normal" - stay strong xx