Brain tumours

A place for people affected by brain tumours or brain cancer to support one another, ask questions, and share their experiences.

Brain cancer ruined my relationship

sar@h
Posted by

Has anyone dealt with a relationship/ marriage breakup whilst dealing with cancer?

My husband has changed so much and his bad behaviour is getting worse that i cannot cope being with him anymore

:(

LWF
Posted by
yep,been there.so sorry ur in the worst of it.before li was even diagnosed with malignant brain cancer,oligodendro glioma grade 3, hed changed so much i didnt know him.it was a very miserable & desperate time.i have chronic m.e & was already struggling,but was stuck.a relief to find out it was the tumour responsible & not me! it affected his emotions,libido & memory,but as hes a soft thing never violent.if ur husband is,or aggressive,u really nd to talk to his doc.keppra made li nuts,tegretol m better.no sex,no empathy,crap memory,separate rooms coz he kps me awake twitching ,talking in his sleep. Im tired & ill.wot a pair! BUT - after 24 yrs , then 21 months of brain cancer terror,were still here.accept & adapt is my motto.but if its really that bad & u fear for ur safety,get the hell out.now.theres loads of help out here,seek it out.u can always go back when things r calmer.u dont say wot type of tumour he has,different ones affect different people differently.i.e if he was always aggressive it may enhance those qualities.speak to his oncology doc/nurse - that's wot theyre there for. i so feel for u.it can b a v bleak time. i keep li v busy so he doesnt have time to mope.if hes kicking at u ,kick back,give him a purpose,even if its to clean the bog! best of luck. : ) val sending u a big hug!
Bloggy123
Posted by
Hi, my husband was diagnosed in November 2013 with GBM 4. He had de-bulking surgery and was then sectioned due to a "psychotic episode". He recovered following treatment with steroids and underwent radiotherapy and chemotherapy. In August it was confirmed that the tumour has regrown. His behaviour had been getting gradually more aggressive and angry and difficult to manage so I knew that something was up. The doctors had been changing his psychiatric drugs but to no effect. He then started being physically aggressive towards me and our children (4 and 6) so I had to leave the house to keep them safe. He has now decided that we have separated and moved in with his parents. He has started changing financial arrangements and seems to be making this a permanent thing. He has not discussed this with me and refuses to as it might make him "stressed" or "anxious" . This is so so sad as he is not himself any more at all. He is making strange decisions and he cannot be reasoned with. I am so so sad to hear that someone else might be experiencing what I am. Our children are desperate for him to come home and things to be normal again. Practically, I would suggest you see a solicitor to see about any arrangements you can make financially. Emotionally I have found our local hospice to be extremely helpful, offering counselling and practical support for me and for my kids. They also might be able to help you with care for your husband or some respite care for you. I just wanted to say, stay strong and once again I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you feel. X
havelock
Posted by

Have had almost 2 years of this illness as a carer and last year was awful.  I nearly left him as he was so unkind mentally.  Some how got through it and realised it was probably the steroids making the whole thing worse.  As we reduced the steroids he was nicer. Never at physical risk but mentally... 

Have so much sympathy for you.  See if you can get some help from the agencies ready to help.  I got anti depressants for me which helped me cope, but it is very, very difficult.  

Not your fault, please realise that. Do get some help.  The marriage is probably worth it.  Why should you have to look at living away or an increase in living costs?  

I send you virtual hugs you really need them. mary x

Mary H.

whalley1
Posted by
I have deliberately sought out this group for this exact reason tonight. My husband was diagnosed in may this yr, grade2/3 underwent surgery, then radio & chemo and straight after his tumour had spread so aggressively across 3/4 of his brain, now grade 4 he is now palliative. Me & my 3 young daughters have faced some horrific behaviour, never actually physical but lots of threats and aggression. We are all walking round on eggs shells, the girls keep well away from him, and fear him, he falls out with us for the slightest thing, is so unkind to us but particularly to our dog. Currently I am sat upstairs as he is refusing to come to bed & sleep next to me. On top of my girls heartbreakingly having to lose their dad, we have to spend his final weeks/ months in this torturess situation, wondering what will make him snap next. I am totally exhausted with this terrible journey. It is like living a nightmare and although comforting to know others are experiencing it, my heart goes out to you all. Sarah. Xxx
Nashin
Posted by
Hi I am so sorry for what you and your family going through .....the tumour if in the frontal lobe changes a persons personality so much and they also lose insight to their problem ,makes them angry ( why me ) ,it makes them think the other person us at fault never himself and the medication makes them paranoid ,give hallucination and mood swings ,so how much can you fight but if you can hold onto his inner self ,fair enough but if not then get help for yoursel ,your children and for him too Please look after yourself Take care xxx Razia
Avalouise2007
Posted by
Hi everyone, I too am glad to read these posts as my husband who has gbm 4 now has recurrence it's a year this week since his op followed by the usual 6 week chemo and radio, he has gone from sleeping lots to hardly sleeping at all, wants to go to shops every day just to buy the same thing he bought the day before when he gets something in his head he goes on and on about it, he is also losing his short term memory and forgets where he puts things so I am constantly looking for something, also he has become very cheeky but only to me, he has been put back on chemo and steroids and hopefully this
will slow down his tumour and he will get back to his old self or is this just wishful thinking, he is 60yrs old, best wishes to all on this site xx
cakebaker
Posted by

hi everyone,all your posts sound so familiar my husband had GBM4 and he did well for the first 2 years after diagnosis,but the last few months of his life were  terrible he wanted to buy everything he saw ,nearly bought a hot tub ,was horrible to all the children ( they are all adults) so they understood it wasnt him it was the tumour i was in trouble most days,he wanted to be out all the time so i was always driviing him about nowhere really.We went out for a walk once and he said he was going to throw us both under a bus ,it was a terrible time for my husband and all the family to see a lovely man go this way .Sadly he passed away in april this year and i miss him every day,i know its hard but try and make the most of the time you have got left together ,my husband was 64 years and had taken an early retirement 6 months before he was diagnosed .take care Elaine xx

sam m
Posted by
I can relate to this completely :( my husbands tumor is in the left frontal lobe and he isnt the man I married anymore. He shouts at our children and can't cope with stress. His lovely personality has gone and I cry when I think about it. He was always , my BFG and now I feel like I have lost him. Hugs to you xx
Nashin
Posted by
Hi ,tumours on the left frontal lobe changes the personality to such an extent that you can't recognise the person whom you spent all your life with ,that's what happened to my husband ,such subtle signs that something was not right .their mood swings and anger etc are all due to the tumour and the confusion that boils in their brain is invariable .my husband used to say" my mind is blank ,I don't know how to think " ,I used to get so upset thinking how an intelligent person become like this .he was always polite and gentle and luckily we never so any aggression directed to me and our girls ,I am so sorry for all of you who are going through the tumour and the effects of it to your families .praythat you get the strength to go through it and seek help for yourselves and your partner ....combination of steroids ,keppra and chemo creates havoc with your emotions.....take care xx Razia
My husband slipped away peacefully a month ago with dignity ,no more fighting with his thoughts.....RIP
Emy Lou
Posted by

My husband was diagnosed with a grade 2/3 brain tumour in 2012. He had de bulking, then another op a year later, followed by radiotherapy. In Sept 2014 he went missing. I then found out he'd left me and had moved in with another woman. They had been having an affair the entire time he was ill. He had been such a kind, happy man and he doted on our 2 young children but the tumour changed his personality beyond recognition. 

He was so cruel and nasty and divorced me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour, despite the fact I'd been caring for him for 2 years. He's blames me for the cancer and frequently tells me that he wishes I had it. Unfortunately our children have had to witness his manic behaviour and it has deeply affected them. He began fitting at the start of the year and the abuse stopped due to him being too tired. I think he only has weeks to live now but his new partner won't communicate with me. It's all so very sad. 

sam m
Posted by

I hope everyone is coping. My hubby still hasn't got back to his old self. I have accepted that his old personality has gone, my James isn't James anymore. Heartbreaking x

Bettyschmetty
Posted by

Hi there,

Know this is an oldish thread but I'm currently at this point with my husband.

 He was diagnosed in march this year & had de-bulking, radiotherapy, chemo & has completed 1st chemo cycle. 

The personality changes are so heartbreakingly difficult. We have 3 youngish children & it's tough fir then. 

Just wondered though how long before diagnosis the personality Changes started- if at all. I can track this back to almost 2 years ago but at the time it could all be put down to other stresses. 

Just intrigued


Thanks 

nazlie
Posted by

I am also new to the group and just joined this morning after searching on google in desperation. My husband has had MS for 15 years. He has GBM for 6 years and had a reoccurrence 3 mths ago. This has affected his walking and right arm. He is now in a wheelchair. I work full days and have two children. He is highly intelligent man who has become a stranger to me. His personality change has become unbearable. He snaps  at everyone and has become really unkind with his words. I understand his frustration but this is the hardest trial I have had to face through the years. He is a know it all so doesn't take advise and shouts at everyone. He is only 45 and I cant imagine walking in his shoes. I am not sure how much I will beable to take anymore.

Any advise on how to cope will be appreciated

Becky B
Posted by

Hi I have just found this site, can I ask how things are for you now?

my husband has just finished radiotherapy and due to start chemotherapy shortly his moods have changed dramatically his is also left frontal lobe. Xx