Has anyone dealt with a relationship/ marriage breakup whilst dealing with cancer?
My husband has changed so much and his bad behaviour is getting worse that i cannot cope being with him anymore
Have had almost 2 years of this illness as a carer and last year was awful. I nearly left him as he was so unkind mentally. Some how got through it and realised it was probably the steroids making the whole thing worse. As we reduced the steroids he was nicer. Never at physical risk but mentally...
Have so much sympathy for you. See if you can get some help from the agencies ready to help. I got anti depressants for me which helped me cope, but it is very, very difficult.
Not your fault, please realise that. Do get some help. The marriage is probably worth it. Why should you have to look at living away or an increase in living costs?
I send you virtual hugs you really need them. mary x
hi everyone,all your posts sound so familiar my husband had GBM4 and he did well for the first 2 years after diagnosis,but the last few months of his life were terrible he wanted to buy everything he saw ,nearly bought a hot tub ,was horrible to all the children ( they are all adults) so they understood it wasnt him it was the tumour i was in trouble most days,he wanted to be out all the time so i was always driviing him about nowhere really.We went out for a walk once and he said he was going to throw us both under a bus ,it was a terrible time for my husband and all the family to see a lovely man go this way .Sadly he passed away in april this year and i miss him every day,i know its hard but try and make the most of the time you have got left together ,my husband was 64 years and had taken an early retirement 6 months before he was diagnosed .take care Elaine xx
My husband was diagnosed with a grade 2/3 brain tumour in 2012. He had de bulking, then another op a year later, followed by radiotherapy. In Sept 2014 he went missing. I then found out he'd left me and had moved in with another woman. They had been having an affair the entire time he was ill. He had been such a kind, happy man and he doted on our 2 young children but the tumour changed his personality beyond recognition.
He was so cruel and nasty and divorced me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour, despite the fact I'd been caring for him for 2 years. He's blames me for the cancer and frequently tells me that he wishes I had it. Unfortunately our children have had to witness his manic behaviour and it has deeply affected them. He began fitting at the start of the year and the abuse stopped due to him being too tired. I think he only has weeks to live now but his new partner won't communicate with me. It's all so very sad.
I hope everyone is coping. My hubby still hasn't got back to his old self. I have accepted that his old personality has gone, my James isn't James anymore. Heartbreaking x
Know this is an oldish thread but I'm currently at this point with my husband.
He was diagnosed in march this year & had de-bulking, radiotherapy, chemo & has completed 1st chemo cycle.
The personality changes are so heartbreakingly difficult. We have 3 youngish children & it's tough fir then.
Just wondered though how long before diagnosis the personality Changes started- if at all. I can track this back to almost 2 years ago but at the time it could all be put down to other stresses.
I am also new to the group and just joined this morning after searching on google in desperation. My husband has had MS for 15 years. He has GBM for 6 years and had a reoccurrence 3 mths ago. This has affected his walking and right arm. He is now in a wheelchair. I work full days and have two children. He is highly intelligent man who has become a stranger to me. His personality change has become unbearable. He snaps at everyone and has become really unkind with his words. I understand his frustration but this is the hardest trial I have had to face through the years. He is a know it all so doesn't take advise and shouts at everyone. He is only 45 and I cant imagine walking in his shoes. I am not sure how much I will beable to take anymore.
Any advise on how to cope will be appreciated
Hi I have just found this site, can I ask how things are for you now?
my husband has just finished radiotherapy and due to start chemotherapy shortly his moods have changed dramatically his is also left frontal lobe. Xx
My husband also has a brain tumour ( right frontal lobe) his personality has changed so much, I hardly recognise him.i am writing this after he has just said the most hurtful things. I know this is the tumour and not him but, it is still very stressful to deal with.x
Hi, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I’m up here in bed on new yrs eve after the worse yr of our lives, my husband has gbm grade 4.. he has a stable mri 3wks ago. Normally I can take the mood swings and some of the things he calls me as this is not my husband, he was the kindest most caring man, and so I can let it go and when he apologizes eventually I hug him and tell him it’s ok, but I can’t this time, there’s a pattern, he has a good wk and the a bad wks, and what really hurts is it’s just me who sees this angry side. If his parents called tomorrow he would be all nice and I have told his mother the way he can be and she just says she never noticed and that really hurts. I feel guilty for being angry with him but I can’t keep taking the abuse!!
Hi Millie, I have just read your post. I am so sorry you are going through this terrible ordeal. My husband is now in the last stages of brain cancer, he was diagnosed in 2010. After 2 surgeries, radiotherapy and 18 chemo, he has come to the end of treatments. I can totally appreciate what you are going through, brain cancer is the worst cancer you can get in my opinion, you have all the mental as well as physical deteriation to deal with. I am sitting here after just getting my husband showered and into bed. I hope can carry on, it is so stressful, I am sending love, even though I don't know you, I fully appreciate what you are going through x
Ah Millie. So sorry to hear this and on nye of all nights.
sadly you’re not alone. I posted last year not long after my husband had been diagnosed. Was tough but things got better after he finished treatment. We had 6 months of normality which were amazing then he had a tiny recurrence and he had surgery in June. The last 6 months have been absolute hell and the last few weeks we have been at crisis point. Summer was awful as kids were off to and he was so angry and short tempered and verbally absuive to me. Things got better for a short while and then 2 months ago his nan passed away and think it tipped him. The mood swings have been getting worse and where befor he would have 2 goodish weeks one bad week it was 4 bad days 3 good.
Kids have heard awful things from him- squib were divorcing, I neglect him etc and all of this is only directed at me- occasionally towards his mum but she can walk away. I have no escape like you -am torn with guilt at feeling angry- knowing it’s nit really him but that also you are a human with feelings.
Things got to a crisis point 2 weeks ago when my eldest son broke down at school & told the school he was worried I’d be hurt which meant the school had to report it to social services. Felt like I had failed massively. Was scary but actually was what needed to happen. I’ve since been in touch with palliative care (which at first scared me) but they have so much experience with these mood swings and personality changes.
When my husband is ok he is so sorry for the awful message he send me and what he says and does but when he’s in a mood there is literally nothing anyone can do.
He caught a chest infection 21st December and has pretty much been in hospital since. It’s sad but also at the moment it’s helping. He’s getting treatment there for the chest infection, low platelets and mental support which is what he needs. And me! Just hope it’s not too late.
There is help out there Hun. Look for it and contact community mental health services and or palliative care communitubtram who offer counselling, psychiatric assessments etc. For both of you. No one every told us this and it should’ve been in place after the second surgery.
Sending a hug.
Thank you so much for you reply and I am so sorry to hear that your husband has entered the last stages of this horrible disease. My Mam was diagnosed with lung cancer and her words were, anywhere but the brain. I never really understood this and little did I know I would come to live it and understand completely what she meant.
The thing with my husband is, he looks so well, he doesn’t even know the extent of what he has, he asks no questions and we are told nothing. Only what I have read myself and when I approached a nurse in the day ward, she told me they are the facts of what he has. I feel so lost. He tells everyone he has the ‘all clear’, when we are told ‘stable’ I am well aware he can never have the all clear, although he has surgery where they were happy that they got a lot of the tumour, 7wks of radium and the o the of chemo. He is only 36, we have 2 girls, 5 and 8. We were both running a race when he became little dizzy and was diagnosed a few days later. I feel like he doesn’t ask questions but he’s an intelligent man and I think the fear of not asking is making him be the way he is, does that make sense. Did yee ask lots of questions? Should I ask on my own. I am really sorry as i know you have enough going.
Sending love back to you.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through also, it is such a cruel disease. It steals the person, it’s such a battle in every way. My heart goes out to you and your kids, we try to protect them as much as we can but they are living it too and know that things are so different, I have two girls and they are brilliant, but they are living it. I feel like when he’s in bad form with me he will se on a complete high with the girls but it’s not normal and it’s not fair on them as the high come down and then the lows are where he can’t stand to be around us or like you said, just so irritable.
yes he always apologizes too, and is genuinely really sorry but it’s taking longer each time for him to see the way he is being and the longer it goes on the harder it is to tell him it’s ok. He has taken the girls to his mothers for dinner today and I stayed at home as I cannot go and pretend, he will be in great form there today. And I can’t watch that after the Christmas we just had, I’m beginning to sound bitter now and I don’t want to be like this.. and to be honest I’m just happy with a break too.
thank you for the advice on the support that’s out there. I really hope that things get better for you and your family,
a giant hug in return..
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