Brain tumours

A place for people affected by brain tumours or brain cancer to support one another, ask questions, and share their experiences.

Lost and helpless because of terminal brain cancer

Maggie157
Posted by

Hoping I can get some advise with a rather difficult matter I am faced with at this time.

My husband has been diagnosed with secondary brain cancer and was told just over 4 weeks ago he has weeks to live not months.
His personality has changed over the last 3 months and his behaviour has become aggressive and volatile towards me. I repeatedly asked for help because of his mood swings and was walking on eggshells all the time at time. I have been his full time carer since he was diagnosed initially in December 2017 with cancer of his oesophagus with spread to lymph nodes there was no cure just treatment to try and control and contain it. He had sepsis three times during is chemotherapy treatment and was refused his sixth cycle because of that. Then he was very ill after thirteen doses of radiotherapy he almost died when he couldn’t eat or drink for weeks. He bounced back and managed back to work just before he became ill again 5 weeks ago with stoke like symptoms. Were were told the devastating and heartbreaking news that a very rare, nasty and aggressive cancer had spread to his brain he was told he had weeks to live not months.
Since then his aggression towards me has gone up another level I did manage to get him into a hospice for a review of his drugs I was really struggling to deal with his aggressive behaviour and threats to strike me.
He has never had a close relationship with his children a boy and girl who are grown up. He was and always has been used as a cash cow for them, he openly used to tell people this. Just before Christmas the Macmillan nurse found him a bed in a hospice as she knew I was struggling at home. He went in and although not happy to be there, had to stay. He was furious when he was told he had to stay over Christmas and of course I got the blame. He actually swore and asked me to get out the Saturday before Christmas which I did very emotional and hurt. His anger and aggression is only pointed and vexed to me he is fine with everyone else it’s as though he flicks a switch that’s the only way I can describe it. The hospice were aware of this and changed his medication lowering his dose of steroids and introduced a anti psychotic drug to help with his behaviour towards me. On the 26th December I went into visit him after a pretty volatile few days of horrible text messages and calls from him. When I got to the hospice I was accompanied by a couple of his workmates he actually stood and raised his fist to me as though he was going to strike me. I was very scared and emotional and talked to the drs asking why they would even consider discharging him on the 27th December a day later. I did try and go in to see him but again he raised his fist to strike me and physically pushed me out is room. I left the hospice very sad and crying.
I later found out his son and daughter had been in touch while I had not been in to see him and fed him lies and nonsense about me saying I didn’t want him and he should get away from me for good etc. All nasty and malicious (they have never been around me to know me)
I contacted the police on the 26th December to raise a vulnerable person report which they attached a domestic abuse report against him for the way he has been behaving. I didn’t feel safe anymore in our matrimonial home.
The hospice went ahead and discharged him on Thursday the 27th December, I had to leave our home with just some clothes I managed to pack once I knew he was on his way home i was scared and as I said not sure I was safe when he was coming home he had told me not to be there. I went to stay with some friends quite a distance from our home but did go to our local gp before I left to arrange district nurses to go in and visit him while I was not there. I got a couple of rather nasty calls from him when I was driving to my friends accusing me of taking some of his things from the house before I left. I never took anything apart from some of my clothes as I said. I called the police and told them he had made these two aggressive calls and they added them to my original case number. Then I found out he had reported me to the police with these false accusations the police told him he had no proof to make these accusations and they could not and would not assist him. This has made him even more angry sending me horrible text messages and posting untrue comments about me on Facebook. So now I find myself homeless through no fault of my own.
He made a will that he is now saying he will change so I get nothing. Not that I really care about that I never wanted anything from him. Can a terminally ill man with brain cancer with a poor diagnosis do this when he was told his life expectancy was only weeks??