A question

Is it normal practice for district nurses,pallative doctors/nurses to keep asking my wife where she would like to be when the end is in sight.

It upsets us both.why are they so insistent?

  • Hi 

    Some people find it helpful and others very upsetting . My mum absolutely refused a prognosis in any shape or form and indicated from the beginning that was her choice . Your wife can say that the question has been raised and she knows the channels of communication if required but would prefer to take it day by day without any further discussion at the moment . 
    She does not have to keep chatting through it if it’s hurting her .

    Thinking of you both ,


  • Thanks Court.

    my wife has slept all day and doesnt look good.

    Maybe tomorrow she will be better but i am not too sure.

    She is fast asleep in bed with me next to her.She is in no pain so i am just leaving her where she is nice and comfortable.


  • Oh I am so sorry to hear that . You are so loving and kind to her . Being comfortable and pain free is very desirable for her .

    One day at a time for sure and my thoughts are with you as ever .


  • Thankyou Court.

    its been all go again here today.

    we dont have macmillan where i live but we are under the care of our local hospice.

    i had to ring them this morning as my wife was in pain.she thinks i fuss too much but i really dont.

    District nurse coming tomorrow and then home help.

    She has really gone downhill this week and i fear the worst.

    I dont think she is suffering but just exhausted.

    She has been in bed now for about 10 days and not been downstairs.

    Thankyou Court.

  • I think your taking really good care of her . Good idea to get her pain managed as you really want that under control and I think you were very wise . Your wife is clearly a very selfless lady and thinks of others before herself or her needs . But you are definitely doing the right thing getting support in for her and the best of help . 
    She sounds as though her bed is the best place if she feels weak . You are so loving and caring . 
    I hope tomorrow brings some support and help for you both .

    Take special care ,


  • Hi Court.

    I think the end is near.

    She is sleeping a lot but when i am downstairs i hope when she opens her eyes she doesnt feel alone.I feel so guilty but there has been that much going and i need some time to myself.Maybe she doesnt know whats happening.

  • You absolutely need time to draw strength and take time to keep you enduring this situation ,

    It is terribly sad and I really feel for you but towards the end the medication is so strong I think it’s hard for them to really process much .

    But when you are able I am sure you are right there loving her and reassuring her . 

    Strength for this journey and much peace to you both .


  • Thankyou Court.

    you wouldnt believe but she is on only 2 10mg zomorth a day and now and again 3mg oramorph.

  • No a lot at all ! How is she today ? Very comforting to know she is not in pain and peaceful!

    Hope you are getting some support from the team too.


  • Hi Court.

    yesterday i had to make a horrible decision to have her taken into the hospice.

    She went in today and leaving her tonight was utterly devastating.

    31 years together and our first night apart.The house is so quiet,how do you get round that?