My dad has recently been diagnosed with this secondary cancer. He lived alone in london. I live in Bristol. I have had to bring him to live with me at short notice as he has confusion (maybe onset of dementia) I have had to slightly convert my living room into a bedroom for him. He can barely walk and the pain I am sure is unbareanle at times. He is taking 1.5ml of morphine when he needs it he was on tablets anb patches which were playing havoc with his mind. To be honest I am completely lost and don't know how or where to start as my dad seems so confused and I am not used to seeing him so out of his mind and hallucinating all the time. I know I haven't got the equipment he needs but don't know where to get help. The professionals are coming to the house and all I hear is words... But dad has no hel. I am also working full time and have no family in Bristol to turn to for support. I know dad is best with me but where do I get help. The hospital says he will start radiotherapy but it's all a waiting game.. Everything seems to be going slow but dads declining fast. We haven't even been given a timescale all that's been said is it's not curable. I want dad to have quality of life but it seems he is just on a waiting list to live his life.
Ok, your head must be spinning, to find out your dad is poorly to have him live with you in such a short space of time would knock everyone off kilter!
First thing I want you to do is get in touch with your local Macmillan team, these can be found via a number or in your local resource centre, get them out as a matter or urgency and let them sort his meds out, you cannot have your dad and yourself struggling with meds, they are superb, tell them everything you need and are concerned about. Also ask for occupational health to see you, they can loan/offer things from wheelchairs, to sitting/recliner chairs. Shower stools etc. You aren’t alone in this, please don’t ever feel like that, just send us a message and one of us will try our best to help you. This will get better for you, and just because things are like this now doesn’t mean it’s gonna stay the same. Both your needs have got to be met regarding this, treatment is very good now do your dad once back on track could lead a very full active life like me!!! Please call today and have some things in place for next week. Always here if you need a chat, Jo
And don’t take no for an answer!!!!! X
I just wanted to add to Jo's awesome post to say, get him checked for a UTI. Quite often when people get older they don't drink enough or don't clean themselves as thoroughly as they might have done before. This can lead to infections, which can cause confusion, hallucinations etc.
Every time my Granny got really badly confused, they checked for a UTI, and almost every time she had one. With her, she already had Parkinsons, so the UTI just exacerbated the symptoms. So it could be that your Dad has the start of dementia, but a UTI could be making things a lot worse than they need to be. Always worth a check just in case, especially as all that's needed is a urine sample.
Other than that, I think Jo has covered everything else!
Good luck, and do shout if you need anything.
Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. - Thich Nhat Hanh
Lass!!!! Where have you been!! I missed ya xx
Thank you. I have just taken dad to the docs for a uti check. I will await the results and see... I feel much better now I have people to talk to thank you again
I’m so happy you found us and are getting on track with things. Onwards and upwards
I'm around all the time, but only posting where I have things to add or experiences to share. A lot of the posts we've had recently have very much been in your wheelhouse, not mine, and you've been doing a fab job of helping folks out.
But anytime you need me, just shout!
Fingers crossed for your Dad. Hopefully Macmillan will be able to sort the medications out for him too to ease off his pain. It def doesn't sound like he's on the right combination, and they'll hopefully be able to get him an appointment at the local hospice, as they are the experts in pain management.
The local hospice might also offer things your Dad could go along to, just to get him out of the house and stimulated. But again, hopefully a Macmillan nurse will be able to sort out some referrals for you!
Well on Friday dad had a wobbly confused when a new district nurse arrived at home he became aggressive. Ambulance took him to hospital and he is in there now with confusion and a dols order he don't know if he is coming or going... Still in pain... I have the hosital having to call me all hours to help calm him down when he gets agitated and won't take his meds he thinks they are all trying to kill him..... I am not sleeping with all kinds of worry... It's very worrying as his condition and mind is worsening... When will things settle for him... All I wanted was for him to have a quality of life toward the end with the love of family around him now I feel helpless as if I can't assure him or help him... I am tired and if I am tired... Well dad must be shattered.. No sleep he is just fretting for his life
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