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I dont know like everyone what the New Year has in store for me, just as I didn't at the beginning of 2018. It's been quite an emotionally tumultuous year. To end the year knowing that I am living with terminal cancer is not easy. I have made it to here and I sincerely hope to be here at the end of 2019. I have learnt a lot of lessons about life, about people. I realised just what is important to me and who and what is not. I have learned to be selfish to put me first. I speak my mind now, not to hurt others but to relieve myself of the stress of bottling things up. I kind of wish I had done that a long time ago. I have learnt that I can be in the deepest of despair and yet I can pull myself up and carry on. Someone asked me what it was like to wake up each morning knowing you are dying. It's a hard question to answer. I think I am just grateful to wake up, to live the day and I really mean live it, not just get through it. I didn't realise just how much I wanted to live until I was told I was dying. Never, ever say that you wish you were dead, because you really dont. Nobody knows when their last day on this earth will be, I have a timescale, so every day is a day less, a countdown if you will. I am going to wish you all a Happy New Year and wish that you all have health and happiness. Love your life and live it, or change it to the best of your ability. I sincerely hope that I will be here this time next year to send you all a New Years greeting. For people I have never met your support through this medium has helped a lot, just knowing you care. Thank you xx
how I know how you feel. Your post could have been written by me, except that it it is so well written! Are you my doppelgänger? I think you must be my ......well, I don’t know really but your thoughts, and situation, echo mine. Is it ok to have a day where you just sit and read the papers? I hope so, cos I have a lot of days when the pain is too great to do anything else. I so very much hope we will both be here this time next year, looking back at this post. As you say, nobody knows when there last day on earth will be.
Bless you, and bless us all, as Tiny Tim sings in the wonderful Muppet Christmas Carol. We do what we can and we don’t breate ourselves for not doing things we can’t do any more. I’m never going to write that earth shattering novel, but what the hell, there are plenty of those out there already.
keep on keeping on. Krystyna xx
For I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. Robert Frost
A day reading, papers is not wasted. Do what you want. I like you will never write that book, but I do write poems and have been told they are sometimes pretty good. I'll take that! Like many others I have looked forward to a New Year but I really wish I could hold back time or even time travel to before I was diagnosed to see if I missed any early symptoms. Many ifs that wont be resolved. We take the path that is laid out for us although you and me plus many others do not want this path. We will travel and fight it to the end. I hope you and I can look back on this at the end of 2029 and say we made it. Let's kick cancers as. As you say keep on keeping on xx
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