My hubby was diagnosed in Nov 19 with stage 4 lung cancer, we were told it was not curable but treatable. It was a shock at the time but in our heads lots off illness are not curable. He has had 26 rounds of chemo and kept pretty well throughout,his treatment, until lat year, where is bloods were not recovering, his cancer was stable and shrunk in a couple of areas so it was decided to give him a break. FW a few months ago he was feeling pain in shoulder and back, sent quickly for CT scan then pet scan, to find out his cancer has spread into his spine, middle and top, we are both devastated. He had palliative chemo a few weeks ago for pain and it seems to be working. Oncologist on a few weeks to find out next plan of treatment. I don’t know why I am finding it more difficult to cope with this time, I am trying to stay strong for hubby and our family, but when out I look at older couples and feel so sad that we aren’t going to see that. We are both 65 this year and had so many plans for our retirement. We have been together 48 years he is my life. I know we can hopefully still have a good few years together and make some memories, Covid stopped so many plans. Sorry for the ramble, I’m just feeling so sad just now and feel I could cry all the time but I don’t show emotion. I also know I should be and am thankful, my husband has kept fairly well in his cancer journey, fatigue being his worst.
I’m sure I’ll get past this stage but it’s so hard. Hate this cancer journey
Sorry for such a late response to your post, and to read that your husbands journey has become so difficult for you, I can understand how much of a shock it must have been to be told that the cancer has spread and the devastation that this has brought to you both.
It has been a week since your post was written so you will be closer now to the next appointment to find out treatment plan and hopefully your husband will battle through this as he has already, and as you say, hopefully you will have many more years together.
What you have been feeling is absolutely normal, the sadness, the imagined loss of what might have been, and you are brave and courageous to share your feelings here. I want you to know I too have my moments of fear and sadness, and I too am thankful for the treament that my husband receives and how well he is doing, but I often think of things that may now be lost, things that like for you, both the cancer journey and covid washed away.
What we do now is look at today, look to tomorrow and make the most of every minute.
Thinking of you both