Practical issues

Share experiences and advice on practical issues when living with cancer, such as money, work, benefits, travel insurance, transport, food and drink, organising support at home, or getting specialist equipment.

personality change during chemo

sparky333
Posted by

my husband is on his 2nd cycle of chemo and seems to have had a complete personality change . he has gone from a loving caring guy into a controling grumpy nasty snappy man . just wondering if anyone else has similar stories as im finding stuff hard at mo and could do with a friendly ear or two x

Am4nda
Posted by

Hi Sparky - Just to reassure you - it is completely normal!!!  My husband is so gentle and loving and caring, but when on chemo (now on cycle 11) he gets so frustrated that he snaps at me, and is so grumpy at times.  He then feels guilty for snapping and been grumpy!  I used to retaliate at first, but now I have to keep reminding myself that it is the drugs not him.  Not easy I know.  Fingers crossed things get easier for you x

Loulabell
Posted by

My Mum is the same too, she has also given up smoking so that has added to it. She is worse with me and my sister and my philosophy is that she is so secure in our love she knows she can say what she likes. I have left hers in tear many times, so I really feel for you. Hang in there, love and hugs xx

ann_gee
Posted by

Lou i have just been through chemo myslef hun and i can assure you it isnt anything to do with you!! Chemo affects a lot of people differently but i personally bacame a different person ... I was sick all the time and feeling crap for lack of a better word. My kids and my husband didint knnow me i was so sick i didnt realise what i was doing to them. I have always been easy going and always up for a giggle and i turned into a sick and hard to live with horrible person. I now realise this and have been apologising to my whole family since, they say that it is fine but i feel terrible i put them through all that and i cant live with myself knowing what i was like. Im sure you and everyone who has a close family member suffering from cancer has to go through all the hard work and emotional things that go with it but at the end of it all you will be saying youre glad they are still with you... Keep being strong and have a strong heart because when they do finally end all the treatment they will come back to you as the happy go lucky person you know and love!!!! I am back to normal now xxxxxx:)

johnr
Posted by

Hi If he is on steroids as part of his treatment then he will change as well as feeling crap whilst dealing with the chemo. I found talking it through and reminding myself I was grumpy and laughing about it, it changed things and because I knew what was happing I was able to stop it and also explain I could not help it. That way no one took offence.

try talking and explain the type of responses you have received.

best wishes    john

sparky333
Posted by

thanks to you all for your reassuring messages it really helps cause we were so close before im sure things will be ok thanks again xx

madmadge
Posted by

Hi sparky

IT WILL GET BETTER!  My partner John was exactly the same but he's just had Chemo Number 4 and he's much more upbeat than he was the 1st and 2nd time round.  Keep on loving him and supporting and try to remember that it's because you are so close that he's hurting you. 

I was often in secret tears at the things John said to me but the saying "You only hurt the ones you love" is so true. 

He still loves you as John has always loved me.

*hugs*

Marjorie x x x x x

Gembob
Posted by

I went through 7 months in hospital and 3 months of chemo (still in treatment as an outpatient) I managed to stay OK with most people, but they were more at risk of my wrath the closer they were. My boyfriend has even said now that he can't seem to do anything right! It is awful like others have said to be snappy with the very people you don't want to upset!

In hindsight it has become clearer. While having treatment it is a head down and get on with it. The problem is that it is always in the back of your mind that at some point you will have to have scans to see if the treatment has worked, that is the scary bit!! I think with it always there it made me moody and not such good company! I am like it occasionally now even as an outpatient probably due to the same reason! Steriods don't help, roid rage! That really got me!!

Please don't take it to heart, I bet you get an apology later in the treatment. No harm is meant by it, it means you are the closest and the one they care deeply about but just can't concentrate on those things when going through the ringer!!

My boyfriend and family have got it in the neck a few times and I have always known when I have upset them! I have tried to make up for it since and as I go along with little treats and declarations of love!!

Good luck I am sure the love will show itself soon

Gxx

 

Angie7879
Posted by

sparky333

my husband is on his 2nd cycle of chemo and seems to have had a complete personality change . he has gone from a loving caring guy into a controling grumpy nasty snappy man . just wondering if anyone else has similar stories as im finding stuff hard at mo and could do with a friendly ear or two x

I will pray for you and your husband just experience this with my daddy totally out of character 

Angie7879
Posted by

Praying for you