New to the site

If you've just joined up and aren't sure where to start, this is the group for you. Tell us a bit about what brings you here, and don't be afraid to ask questions. Someone will be on hand to welcome you and point you in the right direction

Dad terminal with not long left

ohlola86
Posted by

I am broken. My dad is only 67 and is being cared for at home by mum. 

I am staying with them at the moment but my anxiety and grief is killing me. I'm scared something will happen in the night and mum is gonna freak out. I'm worried it won't be peaceful for him. He doesn't want a hospice or a hospital. I am too scared to be in my own home out of guilt for not being here with him but at the same time I'm too terrified to be at his bedside as I've never witnessed the death of anyone before. 

Im 32 and completely broken. I'm in fight or flight mode. 

Dad had myeloma which has developed into amyloidysis. It's a horrific disease. My dad is a shadow of the man he used to be but he's so brave. Never complained once. But what it's done to his body has destroyed my heart and soul beyond repair. 

I feel so anxious that no one else is in the house and no nurses are nearby because he's at home. 

I feel like I am the only person in the world who is going through this and it's only my dad and no one else. Can anyone offer any comfort of any sort please?

im so scared. I don't know what of. I feel like a part of me wants to go with him ️ 

dawn2006
Posted by

Oh sweetheart, what a heartbreaking time for you. 

I lost my Mum almost a year ago to Ovarian Cancer which spread to her lungs and liver. She was in the West of Scotland Cancer Centre as she went for her usual Chemo and they didn't let her go home. She never came home again. Ended up in Strathcarron Hospice.

I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. Unless you go through it nobody will understand. I am heartbroken to have lost my Mum when she was only 60 and still feel so angry sometimes that people that age still have their parents.

All I can say to you is live your life and make him proud. He will love you for that always wherever he is. 

I watched my Mum die and the relief on her face said it all. No more pain or suffering or fighting. Its the toughest thing to see and it'll get far worse before it gets better unfortunately. It's true what they say. The pain never goes away but you'll learn to live with it. Message me any time. 

Love to you and your family xx

Moodles46
Posted by

Oh my poor love .... I promise you, you are NOT alone in this. I have recently gone through EXSCTLY the same situation as you are now, except my dear Dad had terminal pancreatic cancer , & sadly we lost him after just 8 weeks of finding out he was ill. 

All the emotions you are feeling now are exactly what I went through .... you want to be there cos it's your Dad, but you don't want to be there as it's too heartbreaking to watch the man you have loved from the minute you were born gradually deteriorate in front of you. My Dad was a big stocky man , and would do anything for anyone. In 8 weeks he was just a tiny little old man lying in his bed. It too was my first experience of seeing someone gradually being slowly taken but I somehow found the strength to keep by his side , until the day before, when he could no longer speak. I couldn't face being there then & sadly he passed the next morning , before I could get there.

Stay strong my friend. You can do this. We are all behind you & here for you. I am still struggling so hard with my grief but I have somehow found that being there for others has helped me cope. And when the time does come my lovely, book an appointment with a grief counsellor or contact Cruse, or Macmillan themselves. They are amazing support. 

You take care & remember, we are here for you.

Feel free to contact me hun. I know exactly how you are feeling right now xxx 

Sending you biggest hugs possible & strength for the days, weeks & months ahead xxx

latchbrook
Posted by

Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad and it's completely understandable that you feel so anxious.

I can see that you've already had some lovely responses and thought I'd suggest that you join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group where you can discuss your emotions as well as practical issues. To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'Join This Group' on the page that opens. You can then respond to existing posts by clicking on 'Reply' or start your own by choosing 'Start A Discussion'. To save you typing this out again just copy and paste it into your new post.

Sending you a supportive (((hug)))

 "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

What is a Community Champion?

ohlola86
Posted by

Thank you that's very kind of you x