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How do you cope with losing your husband after a short diagnosis if 8 weeks

Tobery
Posted by

I lost my 55 year old husband a few weeks ago after he was diagnosed eight weeks earlier with advanced lung and liver cancer. I am really struggling to understand all of this as he had absolutely no symptoms prior to that at all and was so healthy before that. I am really devastated and scared about my future without him

KTatHome
Posted by

Hello , I’m sorry to hear of your loss, and how devastated and scared you feel. I haven’t experienced what you are going through as it’s me who’s the cancer patient. I wanted to welcome you to the online community and see if I could help point you in the direction of getting some support. My first thought was for you to get support from people who are going through or have been through similar circumstances. Below I’ve given a link to the bereaved spouses and partners group. I always feel it’s nice to talk to those who truly understand how you feel as they have been through it themselves.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_spouse/discussions

My second thought was to make you aware of the ask an expert section on the site, it takes a few days to get a reply but often a read through of others questions may help and then posting your own question if none of the others cover it. Another link coming up.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/ask_the_expert/ask_bereavement_support/discussions

I also found when I was struggling with coming to terms with my diagnosis that the Macmillan information and support pages were very good, so I have put my final link in to those for you, the information page on coping with bereavement. 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/at-the-end-of-life/coping-with-bereavement

Im hoping that a combination of my suggestions might help and send you my warmest gentle virtual (((hug)))

Moondog
Posted by

Hi Tobery. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm in the very same position but my husband did have symptoms for a year and continuously went to his doctor but the relevant tests were done too late. He got his awful diagnosis in mid August and he died last week.

we have a 4 year old son. I'm so anxious and lost and can't actually believe my husband is gone. It's so hard to process and he went downhill so rapidly but we thought he had longer.

I understand your pain and confusion and fear.

my reply won't be helping you but I'm simply reaching out as someone's who is also suffering and in very similar circumstances.

KTatHome
Posted by

Hello , I’m sorry to hear of your loss but glad you joined in the conversation. I noticed Moondog that although you seem to have been on the site for a while you currently have no groups that you belong to. It might be hard the transition from supporting someone and them being your focus to looking at supporting yourself. (I say this because my mother died 3 months before my cancer diagnosis)  I’d just like to encourage both of you to think about what support you might need and to make sure you get it for yourselves. 

Best wishes

Moondog
Posted by

Thank you. I'm just feeling so confused and lost and I don't want to deal with reality. I don't seem to be able to fully feel and digest that he is gone. 

I will try the support group you've suggested.

thank you for reaching out.

Tobery
Posted by

Hi moondog,

thank you for your reply, life seems so unfair doesn’t it ! I have a daughter and a son but they are in their twenty’s, it must be so hard for you to explain to your little boy. 

I was so busy looking after my husband for the eight weeks he was ill and then I had to close his business as he was self employed and sort the will etc that now I think it is sinking in a bit more.

i know what you mean when you say you can’t belueve that he has gone as it all seems very surreal doesn’t it.

i just want to wish you well and please accept any support that is offered to you, I am starting to let my friends help me as I was trying to do everything myself before and I think it is helping. 

Take care

Moondog
Posted by

Hi Tobery.

I'm all over the place at the moment. I go from feeling nothing at all, to sudden realisation that I won't ever see him again and then feeling very panicked and so alone.

Watching my husband going through hell for the last 10 weeks has been so traumatising. I see your husband had the same diagnosis and died just as rapidly. It's just so shocking. I've yet to deal with all the paperwork and everything that happens afterwards but how awful that you've had to close his business. I'm glad you are getting some help and support. I just need to get through the funeral and then face the world. I feel the reality has yet to hit me.

i hope thing s get a little easier for you.