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Hello

C9FAL
Posted by

Hello everyone,

I have just joined the site.

I joined the site as back in August we were told my gran has cancer. She would need an operation to remove her bowel but her surgeon wanted her to have some chemo first to try and shrink it before her operation. She didn't get her chemo last week as she is so ill and yesterday she went for her pre assessment for her chemo today and they basically admitted her there and then to hospital and she is so ill. As horrible as it sounds I try and not visit her because I don't like seeing her the way she is but last night we took her essentials to her with her being kept in. She is so so frail looking and it absolutely guts me to see. I hide how I feel as stupidly I don't want anyone to see me upset over it but at the same time I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to so I thought maybe if I came on here I could vent my feelings here knowing someone would actually listen to me but more importantly, some people will have and still is of course been in my situation.

I hope to speak to you all and get to know you all soon.

Xx.

Dragonfly46
Posted by

Hi C9FAL,

i know just how you feel about not visiting. When my dad was dying in the summer I found it extremely hard to see him like that. I felt guilty about not being there all the time although I knew he was being well cared for.

C9FAL
Posted by

Seeing her last night from the last time I seen her about a month ago there is such a big difference and I know if I visited regularly I wouldn't notice as much. She has lost so much weight as she doesn't really eat. She has been given shakes to try and help her gain some weight. I'm such an emotional person at the best of times and I don't want to visit her and get upset everytime I see her and I obviously don't want her to see me getting upset.

Dragonfly46
Posted by

It is extremely hard watching loved ones suffer. Does she have regular visits from other family members? Maybe they can let her know you are thinking about her but hate to see her that way. My dad was in a care home and I found that they could look after him far better than I could because they were not so involved although when he died a number of them were in tears. 

I am sure she knows you love her and that is the most important thing.

C9FAL
Posted by

Yeah my mum goes 5 days a week to visit her so she is always there. And my aunties also. There is usually someone there to see her. If my gran isn't feeling up to it she just texts them saying no visitors today. I just don't want others thinking I'm not bothered if you know what I mean.

Dragonfly46
Posted by

Of course I understand. Maybe you can explain to your mum how you feel. I completely understand that my adult children didn’t want to visit my dad and my mum now she has dementia. I know they still love her but it is just too hard as she doesn’t know them.

Dragonfly46
Posted by

Of course I understand. Maybe you can explain to your mum how you feel. I completely understand that my adult children didn’t want to visit my dad and my mum now she has dementia. I know they still love her but it is just too hard as she doesn’t know them.

latchbrook
Posted by

Hi and welcome to the online community although I'm very sorry that you've had to find us

I see that you've already had some great replies from other community members. There is a family and friends group here which I think you'd benefit from joining. There you can chat to others in a similar position to yourself and get support and advice.

To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'Join This Group' on the page that opens. You can then join in with existing posts by clicking on 'Reply' or start your own by choosing 'Start A Discussion'.

Sending you a supportive ((hug))

 "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

What is a Community Champion?

C9FAL
Posted by

If I knew she could totally listen then I would. Sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. Hence the reason I'm now here! Going to see gran again tomorrow. She has a CT scan this morning as she is still in a bad way so it's just a waiting game now but will see how she is tomorrow.

C9FAL
Posted by

Thank you latchbrook. I will definitely do that right now as it may help me out a little