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Not coping with mums diagnosis

Dancer123
Posted by

My Mum had ovarian cancer in 2016 after an operation and treatment she was in remission, she has had two reoccurances this year and it is now in her bowel.  I feel really selfish saying this but I am not coping at all it feels like we have a dark cloud over us and every scan and onc appountment tips me over the edge to the point I feel like I have anxiety and not sleeping and living in dread. I know this is not about me but my mum and I need to be strong but don’t how too. 

bellabongo
Posted by

Hi Dancer,

I think it is very understandable how you are feeling. I think most close family would feel like you do. Uncertainty causes anxiety. And it is a serious illness, so people would be even more worried. Would you like to join the family and friends group? Or carers group? You can speak to a real human being (and a nice one too) on the free Macmillan helpline, which might help you. On this site we can share experiences and give support to one another, which is what I think you want. Remember you can join several groups on this site.

I'm sure you will find it helpful

Lots of love

Alison xxx 

hysteria53
Posted by

hi Dancer, I agree with Alison that it is perfectly natural and understandable for you to feel this way. When someone has cancer those who love them are affected and the closer you are, the more deeply affected you will feel. All the medical care and attention is focussed on the patient - quite rightly - but it does mean the feelings and anxieties of the family can be neglected. That said, I dont know what the answer is but I agree that the carers group or friends and family group would be a good start. There's nothing like being able to talk to others who are going through the same experience. Finally, my personal view is that you shouldn't 'put a brave face on' for you mum's sake. Hiding you feelings from her may create a barrier between you and that's just what neither of you need. But that's just my opinion and you know your mum best.

Bodach
Posted by

Hi 

So sorry that you have found your way here reading your post I am not surprised you are not coping we all recognise the strain that having a loved one with this disease places on relatives and they to need help.

Like all the previous answers I think you may benefit from joining some of our group such as

Family and friends

Bowel (Colon and Rectum) Cancer Group - Discussion Forum

Ovarian cancer

Carers only

The membets of all the group's are very friendly and are only too willing to speak to you and answer any questions you may have and will give support in so many ways that might help to cope better with your mother's situation.

You can also phone the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 0000. It's free to call, available from 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday and staffed by trained experts who can advise on all aspects of care.

Asking questions and getting replies from real people who have the same as your mum could help you.

Clicking on any of the green text will take you to the respective pages and if you go to the group's you will be able to start a new discussion and get responses from other members. It might be helpful to join as many or as few groups as you want to.

Ian

 Ileostomy, colostomy and stoma support group

LIVING WITH A ST ● MA

Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 0000 MON to FRID 9 am to 8 pm

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Dancer123
Posted by

Thank you all for your kind words.  I have had a good cry on my husbands shoulders and feel slightly bettter.  I am quite bad for trying to be strong for my family and  bottling it all in but reading messages on here has made me realise that it’s ok for me to feel upset and anxious and just take each day as it comes.  I have joined a discussion group on here for support when it gets too much.  Again thank you it’s good to know I am not alone xxxx

Jacquiw10
Posted by

I would just echo what others have said. You cannot go through something like this without feeling panic and fear.  I have just been diagnosed with cancer for the second time and it’s hard to see the affect it has on my family.  Have a cry when you feel like it and talking to people about how you are feeling will help. Do things to get through this- keep busy and have nice times with your mum!

lots of hugs x

Jac