I lost my husband Paul to pancreatic cancer age 45hrs he was diagnosed 9th Nov 2015. He had 12 chemo cycles. But lost his battle 11 months later. 23rd Sept 2016. This is the first time if ever told or spoke about it. It is still surreal. I still cannot believe it. He was so fit and never had any medical problems. Only thing that was wrong, was that one morning when we were getting ready for work. I noticed his eyes looked yellowish. He never went to doctors. He was old fashioned a man's man. But when he looked and seen. He agreed. I made appt asap at doctors.we have a at the time 2 yr old daughter Maggie Ella. He was absolutely devastated. It took us 10 yrs to have our daughter. Then finally we had everything we wanted. A family together .from being so elated to devastation. We could not believe this. And I still cannot. I was with him the whole way. I Would not leave his side. He passed away at home. I was with him. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's the worse thing I have been through. And I cannot imagine the pain and what went through my husband's mind. I miss him so so much. I feel empty inside. Lonely and angry. Emotional roller coaster. I have our gorgeous daughter who I adore. She is 5hrs old now. I just don't know how to get out of the rut I'm in. I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Hello Toni70, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband, grief has no time limit, and I’m sure you will have your ups and downs. You say you have not spoken about this before, and I am not sure wether that means the circumstances of his death, or how you are feeling or both, and guess that means that you might not have had any counselling or spoken to your GP about how you feel.
Grief doesn’t seem to have a pace that it travels at for all people, especially if your feelings have to be diverted. For me my mother’s death was followed 3 months later by my own cancer diagnosis, for you I can imagine that you had to deal with becoming a single parent. I wondered if you wanted to join one of the groups where people may have been through something similar I will pop in the link.
I have heard it said that there are 4 stages to grief, and in order to move through them at your pace you might find it useful to read something that makes you say yes I think that’s how I’ve felt, and you might want to talk about what’s happening for you.
The support line of Macmillan, the discussion group, a counsellor organised through your GP, a trusted friend perhaps.
The support line is open Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm 0808 808 0000, they have have professionals to listen and you may identify what next action you want to take and they may be able to suggest how you can take that path.
my best wishes to you.
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