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Scared while waiting for updates

Posted by

Hi everyone. I'm Jo and last week my 48year old parter of 21 years was diagnosed with cancer. They came across it after he admitted himself to A&E in horrendous pain. Abdominal, lower back and groin. He had a CT and MRI which found what they initially thought were abscesses on his liver, but biopsy results have confirmed the presence of cancer. It's secondary and they originally thought the primary source was pancreas but we found out yesterday that that's not the case. So we are still in limbo waiting to find out where it's come from. I am 40 and we have a beautiful 11 year old daughter and my partner has a 28 year old daughter too. They are my rocks. My partner is on so much medication for pain, he is barely awake throughout the day and things are feeling pretty rubbish at the moment. We haven't told the 11 year old yet as I want to have answers to any questions she may have but I am dreading the day we do have to tell her. 

The waiting is the worst part. My partner has been in hospital for 17 days and I just don't feel like we are getting any answers. I know they need to do the tests, but no treatment can start until we know for definite either. I just feel so lost and devestated for my partner. Just after a bit of advice from people who know what I'm going through. Just feels that I'm having my heart ripped out on a daily basis.

Posted by


Jo firstly we are all so sad that you ave needed to find this site. But you have found a good place to get support, guidance and advice all from people affected by cancer.

Everyone will agree with you that the waiting to know is the hardest part. It can be days or weeks before a clear treatment plan is put in place. Meetings are often held to discuss patients MDT - multi disciplinary teams - with a whole range of professionals to ensure your partner gets the very best

On here there is a specific group for friends and family. Plus once a diagnosis has been made a group for your partners specific cancer. There is a Carers group too.

Basically there is so much help you can access and so much support.

I see you have not your youngest yet but maybe her school need to know, so they can put a support network in place for her. Drip feed information but don't hid it too much as she will assume things and look things up on the Dr Google site - where info is often outdated, scary and wrong

Until such time as you know there will be people here to support you

Take care and may your god be with you


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Posted by

Thank you so much for your reply. The doctors have been in this morning and have said they think that it's neuroendocrine tumour of the lung. The lung specialists will hopefully be visiting today to talk to us about their plans going forward. My partner was upset hearing the new news but I'm sure once we talk to specialists we can start to work through this. 

I have already spoken to my little ones school and they are ready to support in any way possible. I've also been talking to her about her feelings and have said that news we get isn't always what we want to hear and isn't always good news, trying to prepare her for when we do talk to her. It's so difficult when there are children involved. 

Thank you also for the links. I will take a look at the family pages now. 

Love to you all xxx