I am 52 and a full time carer for my elderly mum. Yesterday, a growth was found in the end of my bowel after a colonoscopy, several biopsies were taken which will take a week for results to come back. The growth was too larger to be removed by the endescope. A CT scan is scheduled for today 13th March 2018. A Treatment plan meeting will take place next week so we will find out what they suggest.
My mind is all over the place, I am hoping and praying that the growth is benign but i have a feeling it wont be. The staff gave me a card of the local Macmillan nurse. I havent contacted her yet as I was waiting for the results of the biopsy.
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. Dalai Lama
Hello Jim3rg, how lovely that they gave you the card I hope that reassurance of having it for when you need it is making things a bit better for you. I am not surprised your mind is all over the place, uncertainty is very demanding on our brains, it niggles at us demanding predictability when of course there is none. We just have to acknowledge the niggle and accept the uncertainty and not respond to it but keep more present focused. I think you’ve done well by describing that your mind is all over the place. I remember being in limbo and never having watched tv suddenly started noticing how many life insurance, funeral planning etc etc adverts are on, that’s one reason to stick to the BBC ! Or Netflix. I found as I had anxiety for work prior to a possible cancer diagnosis that I found my way back to my old notes on coping. I also found it useful to read the Macmillan section On emotions although it’s aimed after having a diagnosis I think it’s just as good for when you worry that you will receive one.
My coping strategy is walking, noticing the lovely things around me and not necessarily talking, other times it’s writing down my worries to get them out of my head, reading them back and seeing them as if it was someone else. Other times it’s music or decluttering, just getting on with life and putting the uncertainty away for another day which can be hard, but a great skill to learn, you probably have your own techniques through caring for your Mum already, but I’m glad you were able to share with us how you feel I hope the week goes quickly for you.
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Thanks KT for your quick reply, one if the things I enjoy is theatre, musicals, plays, dramas and comedy. Hopefully i will be able to continure this in the comming months. I have noticed the adds and there is an abundance of life insurance and funeral plans... Mind, not as many as bingo ads.
I am trying not to think too much about it. The staff at the local hospital were fantastic, not so the taxi driver on the way home that complained about wasting his time with small fares. I apologised for wasting his precious time and hoped he would have a good day.
We are have bad days sometimes.
Thank you you made me laugh Jim, you are probably right about bingo, it was on my todo list at some point as I had never been to bingo and my aunts used to love it (and find it profitable) but I always seem to find something more in my comfort zone to do like walking Netball. Really great you have an interest that will divert you from all of this. I don’t get out much to theatres etc but I should, I did see the ukulele orchestra of Great Britain 2 years running so I should plan this years trip they are so funny and talented.
Well I hope the taxi driver thought about what he’d said, you had the right response.
I hope today won’t be so bad for you, I’m off out for a walk at my local RSPB, (it’s an excuse for Pokémon hunting aswell) I hope you have something nice planned for yourself.
By the way I have just looked up success nourishes hope, so I am now imagining that you are some Scottish clan chief, we have another champion Thehighlander who is always adding pictures of where he lives which looks fantastic whatever the weather (lucky chap).
Its more symbolic than anything else, my Gran got me one of those charity gifts where they give you a brief history of your family name, but I quite liked the motto and it has stayed with me ever since.
Back from the CT scan, I thought I had wet myself after the dye went in, the technician warned me it would feel lije that, only he was a wee bit late lol.
As the results wont be back till next week, i am resuming the iron tablets whilst I wait.
Its a hurry up and wait thing now.
Hi Jim, haha, yes I get that warm glow from the dye every three months. I was wondering if you wanted to join one of the groups while you are waiting for your results, I’m from the melanoma group and we often have people joining while waiting for an appointment and for the results. I have assumed that as you mentioned your bowel that you might be interested in the Bowel (colon and rectum) group. A brief introduction there and I’m sure the group will support you in your wait. I joined a group to read the posts of others by just clicking on the join group bit under the name and took a while to post, so you are very much ahead of the game. I filled in my profile to help others answer my posts there’s help on how to do your profile and other bit Here, after you click on the topic just scoot further down.
Best wishes for your wait.
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