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Lost my brother

Magics sister
Posted by

Hi, I'm new, I lost my brother on August 28th to cancer of the esophagus, he was 48 years old. He got sick only five weeks before, so it all happened so quickly.  At first they thought it was thyroid cancer, so we were all really positive about the prognosis, then we found out what it was, then that it was terminal. A few days before he died we were told that if the chemo worked he would have months and if not then it would be weeks. Then he was gone. We were there with him on his last day and he told us jokes all day, he was so brave. I am struggling each day, I don't want to get up .but I do, I go to work but I find everything a bit pointless.  and I feel so let down by friends, those that I thought would support me have not.  I have a wonderful husband and family but still feel very lonely sometimes.

Posted by

Hello Magics sister,

A warm welcome to the Mac community, though I'm very sorry that you find yourself here. A gentle hug and sincere condolences are on their way to you via the ether. Losing your brother like this must be so hard and I really feel for you. Everything is still very raw this early after bereavement so it's not surprising you feel the way you do. Sometimes friends want to help but don't know how to or do t know what to say and so they end up doing and saying nothing for fear of causing you distress. I hope that in time these friends will realise how much you need them and will rally round and support you. 

You might find it helpful to join the Bereaved Family and Friends group here on site (find them using the group search bar above). There you will meet people who have been through similar experiences and who can help and advise from their experience. There's also a bereavement specialist you can post questions to  - look in the Ask an Expert forum  If you prefer to talk to someone face to face, then Cruse is a specialist bereavement group (google the local number for your area) that offer advice and counselling. If you have a faith, or even if you havent, you might find your local vicar/minister/faith leader very willing to listen and support (most won't push their faith onto you but will share if invited to do so.) and many are very experienced at helping people deal with grief.

Sorry for the long reply - I popped in from the womb group because I noticed you hadn't yet had a reply. I hope others will be along soon who can help too. Take care x

Posted by

Hi and welcome

You have been given good advice and I hope you find other bits of the site supportive.

I just wanted to add that there is no right way to feel or cope.

You had very little time to process what was happening, less than you thought and I understand that you have huge loss and perhaps feel robbed of the time you initially thought you would have together.

 I know from experience however, that more  

time can also have its problems..when things aren't as expected or are constantly changing so again its hard to process...

Fairycake mentioned your local ministers  and can I add that those at your hospital chaplaincy will be very good listeners. They win push faith and the chapel can be a useful quiet space .

Take care is OK because unicorns can see you : )