Thanks again Tony. - "not being in control". - Yes, that's it. I have a difficult time just being a passenger in a car!!
Anyway, I have forced myself down the local High St. for some essentials. One tiny step.
Hi Tony, little step 2, I resumed the evening walk (1.75mls) which I had been doing for some time up to the end of last week. Tomorrow's task is to cook some food and stop living on toast, yogurts, nuts and biccies! We'll see.
Hi Ron, It sounds like you're making steps in the right direction buddy. Time is a great healer, this is all so fresh and new to you. I remember thinking it's all just a really bad dream at the beginning. I'd wake up after sleeping and just start thinking they made a mistake and my tumour isn't cancerous. It some times amazes me how our minds work. As I started going through the chemo/radiation and then anticipating the surgery to cut the cancer out I remembered a little mantra I heard some where-This Too Shall Pass. It's helped me keep in mind nothing is permanent everything is always evolving and changing(hopefully for the better). I know you will start to feel better once there is a plan in place for getting these cancer cells out of you. My thoughts are with you, small steps Ron.
Please give me the strength to change what I can, accept what I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.
Love and Respect Tony
Have read a blog, "My Journey" by Pete. What I have is probably much the same as I have. He is 58 and seems pretty fit, 11 mile walks etc and lots of family / work support. So who am I kidding? I just can't see how I can hope to get through all this. Spoke to a GP yesterday about counselling who said someone would phone but she did not know when since there's a waiting list for their services.
Good morning Ron, I read a lot of Big Pete's blog after your post. His journey has about the same time table as mine. Don't read too much into similarities with your own diagnosis. He was stage 4 with liver Mets and probably a very low rectal tumour. I lost 2/3rds of my rectum about a ft of colon total so the surgeon was able to reconnect and gave me a temp. loop ileostomy. I love Pete's attitude it's very similar to my own. For all I know even though he had a more advanced case of rectal cancer at the beginning then myself he may outlive me-we're the same age. All the treatments and surgery are done step by step. You need to slow down a little, I definitely know first hand how over powering it can all be at the beginning. My very worst enemy was myself-I continually put myself in the worst case scenario. Nothing and I repeat nothing in all the chemo, radiation and surgeries were anywhere even close to what I imagined. I'd never had surgery before this. Well I have to go and wake the wife up she blames me for letting her sleep in, I don't know when it be came my duty in Life to be a alarm clock. Twenty yrs of marriage-non stop fun LOL.
The shock of diagnosed is awful .if you have no one to talk to I would suggest McMillan councilling I went once was very nice man .I am on 2nd treatment chemo for bowel cancer spread to liver and nodules on lungs have had loads scans none are horrible just a process not stressed.waiting is worst bit once you have plan and treatment some anxiety goes .good luck
Thanks, I have been referred for counselling. That may be with an NHS set up or MacMillan. No one has got back to me. I understand resources are thin on the ground.
Had to push myself out the door for the walk tonight. It' so cold!
Yes it's easy to believe the worst, equally, the best. I can swing between optimism and pessimism within minutes. Also, I'm a very rational person normally; my job required that, but benign a child of the 60s, I have a hinterland of New Ageism so can have some respect for alternative treatments.
What I am trying to focus on is a middle way: that is that my body had been telling me through poor sleep and anxiety that my intestinal symptoms were more than IBS a thus drove me to the doctor before it became too late. I sure hope that's so.
How are you getting on? Is it a scan you have on 20th.?
Hi Ron, It's getting quite cold here in New Hampshire also. We've already gotten a dusting of snow and I've started the wood stove. It's a CT scan on Monday I'm having, partly to check on the nodule that showed on my lower right lung. All the internal plumbing seems to slowly be getting better. It's only been a month since the reversal surgery. The amount and ambience of the wind I'm constantly passing is driving Carol crazy. I told her yesterday it's nice to know after all these years I still take her breath away. She didn't laugh. I love your thought of finding the middle way. I have had the same feeling about life many times Right down the middle no extremes either way. I'm very glad you're pushing yourself to get back to a little normalcy. Have a good night.
They say that NH is one of the best places for the Fall, but maybe with the first hints of snow it's past that season. (By the way what brings you onto this British site?). I haven't been much to the States, just once on business to Washington DC and a few times to see relatives in Dearborn & Kalamazoo whilst in Ottawa where I have other closer relatives. First time was way back in 1968. I went out to Detroit at the invite of a cousin (Russ Gibb) who was setting up a music / dance hall venue which became the iconic Grande Ballroom. Alas. now derelict like a lot of downtown Detroit! In the early days the house bands were MC5 & The Stooges. So, I saw Iggy in his very early pre punk days. Just how is that guy still alive?!!
I have read your posts to others. Sorry there are still probs after the reversal. But I know you'll get there very soon.
Hi Ron, To tell you the truth I have no idea how I ended up on this site. I thank God I did there's something more on this site than some of the others in the States, I think it has something to do with the me me thinking that's so prevalent in the USA now. Elect a Clown expect a Circus. D.C. is a cesspool, I spent four very long yrs there when I was in the USAF. One wrong turn from the nation's capital and you better lock doors and roll up Windows- burned out abandoned vehicles etc. A lot of the very best music has and I'm sure still comes from Europe. I will never ever for the life of me understand or like Rap-I won't even dignifie it by putting music after it. I guess I'm getting old lol. And how the hell do those skinny drug pickled old rockers manage to still be around! I guess I didn't party enough when I was younger. The bowels are starting to give me a little more control, I do wear a slight diaper due to very small leakage, got get those muscles back in shape-working out has a whole different meaning at the moment! Take care buddy.
You don't need to be in a US city to have serious problems if you step off the beaten track (Bonfire of the Vanities). Manchester, Liverpool and Glasgow in the UK can be pretty bad, although the absence of guns makes things a bit less dangerous. I remember driving through Glasgow in the 70s when the motorway through the city was being built. I took a wrong turn after missing a diversion sign and ended up amongst a group of hi rise flats surrounded by waste land. I got out of the car to check my whereabouts and saw advancing quickly a pack of feral dogs. I was out of there in 5 secs.
Yeah, I'm no fan of rap or hip hop which preceded. Black music took a bad turn in the late 80s. True, Brit bands created a lot of great music, but many of them learned from R & B and took the music back to the States and white audiences. I love how so much of early rock, rockabilly, blues rec. is available on YouTube. Such as Mississippi John Hurt, Leadbelly, Memphis Minnie, Bessie Smith. I must say I more or less stopped listening to new music around 1985. I liked Motown, my favourite group being the Ronnettes. I was real lucky to see Ronnie Spector in concert here in the UK 2 years ago. She was amazing!!!
I had a cousin (2nd - I think) in USAF. I met him once over here. I think he was stationed in Colorado (Aurora Springs ?).
Had to push myself out the door tonight. It's so cold. Still, t chilly weather caused me to knock a few minutes of the time! I'm going to have to dig out the Winter thermals.
I feel in a terrible limbo most of the time now.
Keep the wind down and don't get the wind up Tony!
Hi Ron, Keeping the wind down is really an issue at the moment. How many times can I apologize for passing gass In one day! Poor Carol has candles lit all over the house, kind of risky I told her I might just blow myself up. Maybe there's charcoal filtered underwear I can buy. I'm eating normally, so I just think this condition is part of the recovery. Sorry to hear you have that being in limbo feeling, I believe that will change for the better when you have a treatment plan in the works. Hang in there guy you're still so very early in all this. I hope you're celebrating Thanksgiving with family.
Suggest you buy a small windmill Tony and hook yourself up. May as well do something for climate change notwithstanding the Orange One's strange opinions!
The UK doesn't do Thanksgiving. Some churches have a harvest thanksgiving but that would take place late August / early September. I'm afraid I'm not a churchgoers and not even religious.
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