I can't sleep or eat. I haven't told anyone. I have no one to talk to.
I can imagine that your head must be absolutely spinning right now. A colleague of mine has been supporting his wife through a rectal cancer diagnosis and we talk about it several times a week (though I have no personal experience, I have a few friends who've been through bowel/rectal/anal cancers so I know enough to be a good listener).
I can't fix your cancer but I can point you to some solutions for 'no one to talk to'.
If you mean talking LITERALLY we have the Macmillan helpline - 0808 808 0000 - available 9 to 8 Monday to Friday and you can ask the nurses and advisors ANYTHING. Seriously, they'll listen and help on all the medical, emotional, financial, relationship issues that you can think about.
But if you're looking for fellow patients to help you on your journey, we have a rectal cancer forum group here. I'm sure you'll get a warm welcome and you can ask them anything.
Right now, nobody will expect you to think straight. You might not have told anybody, but people around you will have spotted that something's going on. When it comes to telling people, follow your heart - you'll know who to tell and who not. I had a Spanish colleague who told very few people and was off work for nearly a year. People assumed she had a breakdown because nobody told them anything. Other people are very open. I work with a woman who had the same cancer as me (thyroid) about a year later. I told everybody (I'm crap at secrets), she told nobody - not even her mother! We're all different and there are no rules. Tell WHO you want to WHEN you want to HOW you think best.
“Scars are tattoos with better stories.” – Anonymous
Thanks for replying. I have spent hours on the Macmillan site. So much hope, so much despair: so many stories. I really need to phone the Macmillan number. I just don't yet feel able to let the beam of reality invade any more, (if you can understand such a foolish viewpoint.).
No need to explain. I totally get it.
If the words don't come out of your mouth, you can still pretend it isn't real.
I have now phoned MacMillan and was put through to a nurse who was a very good listener and was able to answer any technical questions.
Hi Ron, I'm dealing with Rectal cancer also for a about a yr and half now. I always found it beneficial to talk to anyone that would listen. When we keep it all in we seem to go around and around with the same bad thoughts. The diagnosis is not a Death sentence. I've found all the treatments very doable. The unknown is always scary to all of us. So read and ask questions. So many of us are in the same boat we will all throw you a Life line.
Please give me the strength to change what I can, accept what I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.
Love and Respect Tony
Thanks very much Tony. Your response was really appreciated. I am finding things very difficult. I am very isolated here. I have no friends and my children are far away. I just don't want to burden them with this info. I know they would care and be on the next plane! But I know I will have to tell them eventually once I get an optician date.
That was "operation". Predictive texting - Bah!
I hate the Predictive texting at least as much as you do LOL, I'm constantly looking back and making corrections. When to tell your family is a decision you have to make. I know I was very hurt when my Mother didn't tell me right a way about her lung cancer. I do understand about them not being close, but you can tell them you don't need their physical help. It's meant the world to me my family's concern and prayers and a lot of them live very far away. Ron you should also switch over to the Bowel cancer group on this site and fill out your profile. If you read my profile and others you will find we've been through everything you will be facing and we care and can help with insiders experiences.
Yes I joined the bowel cancer group yesterday. I have read a lot of posts. It's about all I'm doing! I know I must move on - sleep, eat, do necessary shopping, walk etc. Right now I feel completely stuck.
Hi Ron, I believe you're in a slight state of shock. I know I was when the gastroenterologist had this unhappy look to him when he informed me he found a tumour he believed to be malignant. The subsequent biopsy proved him right of course. I know my whole world seemed to be turned upside down, all the thoughts of the future, all the half formed plans all meant nothing. But believe me you will get your head wrapped around this it just takes a little time. It's not the Death sentence I thought it was. Keep posting there are a lot of nice friendly people on here that can answer a lot of questions or concerns you have. Definitely get sleep and eat Ron, bye Tony.
Again, thanks Tony. You are an inspiration, and as can be easily seen from a brief resume of your posts, not only to me but to many seekers of help, support and solace on these threads.
I am pleased that you are getting on well following your reversal op.
Another day! I'm sorry sounding such a baby but I can't get my mind away from thinking the worst. I took the movi prep on Sunday and up until then apart from two or three loose motions in the mornings I was able to function normally. Now I am just lying in bed imagining that every slight pain is evidence of spread. Last night I had promised myself that I would get up and stay up by 9 but I just can't force myself. Six years ago I had a femoral bypass done. There were some complications and I was 5 weeks in hospital in all. Then I knew I needed the operation and knew it would improve my quality of life. I had no fears about the operation nor about the further minor corrective operation needed. However, this all seems more like a game of chance! Sorry to go on.
Have now contacted my health centre to find out if any counselling services are available. A GP will phone back later today to arrange a referral. I hate asking for things but even I realise I can't go on like this. I think that may be a lesson I will come to learn on this journey, ie., know when I need help and ask for it.
Hi good morning Ron, I know what you mean about a game of chance. I have a very hard time not being in control, putting faith and trust in people I don't even know. I switched Oncologist and got a second opinion from a different surgeon. It gave me a little feeling of control. To be honest none of them have let me down yet. I've always had an issue of always thinking the worst can happen in any situation, I am working on changing that frame of mind. I've never been overly religious, but through all this I have prayed and more importantly given a lot of thanks and gratitude to God-my Mother's spirit-Communal Consciousness. I do not believe we are ever truly alone. I'm starting to take more pleasure from the simpler things in Life, all the stuff I've taken for granted previously-The Love and caring of my Wife my Family even my crazy Dog Roxanne. None of us will ever know how long we have left in this life, so I for one am trying to make changes and get out of my own head and really see what's right in front and all around me. Love and caring about others seems to me to be the most worthwhile endeavor I can pursue. Sorry about ranting on I think it's my second cup of coffee! Hang in there Ron I know you'll settle down and handle all this.
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