New to the site

If you've just joined up and aren't sure where to start, this is the group for you. Tell us a bit about what brings you here, and don't be afraid to ask questions. Someone will be on hand to welcome you and point you in the right direction

Really struggling.....

Posted by

I am new here and have joined because I need help - my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2014 - this was operated on and hadn't spread to the lymph glands. 

In March 2015 she was diagnosed with Stage 3 cervical cancer - totally unrelated to the breast cancer - another primary tumour.  The tumour itself was small cell carcinoma and the oncologists were amazed to see this tumour there as it is a lung tumour by nature.  After many chemo sessions, radiotherapy and brachytherapy - she went into remission in November 2015.  

Following routine MRI in February 2016, six further smaller tumours were discovered; one in the adrenal gland, one on the outside of the lung, two in the "abdomen" and two small "lumps" in her head.  She was prescribed a further six sessions of chemo. 

After three sessions another scan was taken and treatment was withdrawn on 22 July 2016.  Palliative care only.  The tumour on the adrenal gland had grown during the chemo and the drugs she had were the strongest she could have. 

On Saturday this week - she had a crisis.  She is now in hospital being treated for suspected encephalitis.   Having read up on this - it can be caused by the tumour. 

What i need to know is whether this is the start of end of life for her?  She  has been so positive all along but is this the cancer progressing and is it going to start taking over?  I feel so scared and having to be brave for my dad, my kids and most of all my mum is taking it toll on me!  I feel like I am going explode!  

So much I want to write here but I cannot get the words out of my mouth or in writing. 

Sorry for offloading - its anonymous here so I feel I can offload but sometimes I feel so alone :( x

R x

Posted by

HHi Diddlepops, 

I'm so sad to read about your mum. It sounds like she has really been through the mill. And you too. It's so hard trying to stay strong for everyone around you while you feel you're screaming inside. 

I think you have two questions. One about your mum and whether this is the beginning of the end and the other about getting some support for yourself. 

I can't answer the first question. It sounds like you need to speak to your mum's doctors although at this stage working out who exactly that is and getting hold of them is easier said than done. Your best bet might be to speak to the ward sister in the first instance and spell out your concern. It may be that there's a way to go yet; but if not I would imagine you'll want to be on top of this situation and making plans for her future care. It might help to talk this through with the nurses on the Macmillan helpline. It's free and open 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday on 0808 808 0000.

The second question. What about you? You've come to the right place to offload. It's one of the things we can help with. But can I suggest you join a group and make it your "home"? There are some amazing people here who will offer you a virtual ear and a virtual shoulder as well as give you a lot of virtual hugs. Have a look through the various carer groups to see where you might feel most comfortable. There's a carers group, one for people supporting someone with incurable cancer as well as a family and friennds group. Have a look around and find a place that suits you to offload. It really does help. 

So herewith your first online community ((((hug)))) xxxx