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Being strong for everyone else but I’m struggling

DangerousM
Posted by

Took Dad to hospital yesterday for pre op for a TURBT next week and an OGD on 4/2. 
I work in a hospital so I understand most of it. My mum and brothers on the other hand don’t & I’ve been positive about it all however I am struggling knowing what I know and working on a ward which deals with exactly what I’m dealing with personally.  
They found lesions on his bladder, had a scan and he has stomach tumour too. I know I just need to wait for biopsy results but my gut is telling me none of this is good.  
Sat in car park now because I don’t want to go into work because I don’t trust myself not to break down on the ward. 

Thehighlander
Posted by

Hi  and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your dad.

You do need to tell your line manager about how you feel as with this information that can support you during this busy time. Being strong for everyone is very hard work - it’s time to be strong for yourself.

A cancer diagnosis can indeed touch all the family bring a lot of stress, confusion and many questions. Working in the medical world has its advantages and disadvantages....... I was a teacher so my drive was clear information as with this the family and myself could move forward during my 20 years of treatment........ I think talking with people who are on the same journey (patient and families) can help a lot.

Can I direct you to this link to our very supportive Bladder cancer group as this will open up your concerns to a wider audience who know exactly what you are going through at the moment.

Just follow the link I have created then hit the ‘Join This Group’ tab just under the main group name, then go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab and set up your very own Discussion and introduce yourself to the group and ask your questions.

As I was the person with the cancer my experience of supporting someone is very limited, although my wife has been amazing so you may also find our very supportive Carers Only, and Friends and Family groups to be good places where you can connect with others support family through their cancer journey but more importantly the carers care for each other.

You will know that Macmillan have many services so check our Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.

We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.

Our Online Information and Support Section  is a good place to find information covering cancer diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers.

Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.

All the very best ((hugs))

Mike - Thehighlander

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

DangerousM
Posted by

Hi. I have serious issues with my manager & find it very difficult to approach her about anything. She isn’t very supportive. 

I am going to speak to my supervisor today as she knows something is going on with my dad. I don’t have any annual leave to use so need to ask about changing days I work so I can support my mum more than anything  

Thank you for all the information and links I will have a good read later. I’m still psyching myself up to go into work.

Thehighlander
Posted by

Sorry to hear that your manager is not supportive - people!!!!! 

Do talk with your supervisor as a burden shared is a burden reduced.

When it comes to time off you do need to look at this carefully. You are in this for the long run and you need to care for yourself, see what your supervisor says and if all fails you go see your GP as they can advise you about the need to be signed off.

Take the day as it comes.....this is unfortunately the hard part of the journey as I always say the people looking on actually have a harder time.

Do call the Macmillan Support Line as they can give you some one on one support ((hugs)) and do come and tell me how you got on today xx

Mike - Thehighlander

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

DangerousM
Posted by

I know. Strangers have more compassion!

I have a very checkered history with her, union involvement too so just feel I can’t talk to her. My supervisor is lovely and I know she will support me. I’m actually leaving soon as I have another job so don’t want to be signed off by dr. 

Work usually distracts me from whatever stress I’m dealing with but this is all too close to home for me. I have to deal with patients and relatives that are going through what I am and I find it very hard not to get emotionally involved at the moment. I’m not good being on the “other” side 

Thank you again for chatting to me. 

Thehighlander
Posted by

I wish your dad, all the family and yourself all the very best - keep looking at the greater good...... keep looking for the gold on all this and I pray for good outcomes in this journey.

Do connect with the very supportive groups I highlighted and you know where to find me if you want to let off steam.

((hugs))

Mike - Thehighlander

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela