Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better this morning Tony61.
I know I've already mentioned this but I do think it would be a good idea to speak to your GP to find out why they are sending you for tests as this is causing you such great anxiety. You could tell them that you are worried that you have oesophagus cancer.
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I've been thinking about this and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure how she can say something that will make me feel better and be less worried but she could confirm my worries which would make me feel worse.
I agree that this is a difficult one that only you can decide but you said that you don't know why your GP is sending you for tests. I presume that you have some unexplained symptoms that the GP is trying to solve. What sort of tests are you being sent for?
The fact that you're being sent for tests is making you extremely anxious and I just thought that if you knew what you're being tested for that might help as lots of people say that they feel better when they know what they might be facing but, again, only you know whether you prefer that approach or not.
When you feel up to it, it would be really useful if could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Just got my appointment date for the gastroscopy - Weds 12th Feb so another 3 weeks to wait.
Well that's 2 pieces of good news Tony61. You no longer need to worry about when your appointment is going to be and you know that you're having a gastroscopy. If you take a look at the link I've created you'll see that this procedure is used to investigate all sorts of problems, most of them not cancer related.
I personally know 3 people who have had this test in the last 12 months, my sister and two close friends. None of them were diagnosed with cancer and they are now taking medicine and have changed their diet to control their symptoms. Obviously I don't know that this will be the case for you but I'm just trying to reassure you that you won't necessarily have cancer.
The next thing you need to do is put some coping mechanisms in place to turn down your worry and anxiety to an acceptable level which will allow you to function in the run up to the test and while waiting for the results. In my first reply to you I listed a number of things you could try but, if you don't think these will work for you, then I'd urge you to see your GP so that she can get you some help.
Many thanks for this and for your support, it's really appreciated.
Hi Tony61, i am very pleased you have your appointment thru.... rest assured, you will be looked after extremely well, my son had this proceedure a few months back as he was having so much bile, indegestion and difficulty swallowing. He had to give up drinking fizzy drinks, and going on to a protien diet, but he was found to have a hiatus hernia.
I hope u get positive results whatever it may be, you will soon be on the correct treatment plan for you.
Hi Tony61 have been thinking about you and wondering how you are - good that you have so much support on here. I hope it goes well for you on Friday. Latchbrook is right; knowing more facts about what they are looking for may set your mind at ease. You could see if your gp is able to clarify things for you - maybe over the phone if it's difficult to get an appointment. Fear of the unknown & uncertainty is scary. I hope it all works out for you. Try to take things one day at a time.
Thank you. I had an ok day yesterday after a very tough start but not so good today. I'm trying to take things one step at a time but it's so hard. I'm ok for a while and then it all wells up again.
I think I'm going to leave telling my partner for a bit now I know it's nearly three weeks until my tests. But I'll see how it goes.
Sorry to hear you have had a bad day today; I found the time waiting to go to my hospital appointment the most stressful time; I lost half a stone with worry and only told 2 people about the appointment - I had a 2 week wait. At first I was in shock & it all seemed surreal; once I had calmed down a bit I found out facts from my gp & the hospital as to what to expect at my appointment. I still have the occasional moment where I can't take it all in & I feel like having a meltdown but don't because of my stiff upper lip & so instead I journal or find a helpline. It's important that you feel in control but do reconsider telling your partner as she will probably want to support you; a trouble shared is a trouble halved! I had to tell my line manager at work because of the need for attending appointments & I have to say telling her felt like I was making at real ; my feelings over those first 2 weeks were like a bereavement; shock, denial, anger and finally (and I'm not entirely sure I've got there yet) acceptance that this is happening to me and it's real. It's good that you've reached out for support here; it is a sign of strength & not of weakness; my unsolicited advice is to reach out for support wherever and whenever you need it - whether that is here or to your gp or family & friends but don't bottle it all up & remember the facts and investigations may prove that you have a treatable and curable condition
Give yourself time to process it all & try to keep some normality and routine in your life
I really hope this helps
Thanks for your support. It's just great that there's someone I can 'talk' to.
I had another bad night's sleep, lying awake with so many things swirling around my mind. I'm now into wondering whether any new aches and pains are somehow connected. I'm trying to steer away from wondering and checking what it all might mean.
I haven't told my partner yet. It just didn't feel like right - although I know there's never going to be a 'right' time. There's also another factor which I can't go into here.
For the next couple of days my focus is going to be to have as good a weekend as I can, keeping things as normal as I can. The only trouble is that just looking at my kids risks me welling up again and having scary thoughts about the future. I know that's getting too many stages ahead - I really am trying to take things one step, one day at a time.
In a funny way the fact that I've still got 18 days before my tests is helping me: it's putting off the day when I might get the news I so dread. I know it's also putting off the day when I may well find I've been worrying unnecessarily but I'll take the former for now. Does that make sense?
And I'll think again about talking to my GP although, as I said, I'm not sure what she could say that could reassure me.
Thanks for 'listening'.
After an OK weekend where I managed to take things ‘one step at a time, one day at a time’ and keep myself busy and keep frightening thoughts mostly at the back of my mind, though two bad nights’ sleep, things are not good again.
I’ve been good about not googling symptoms – until this morning when I just couldn’t stop myself and now I’m back to square one. Last week I had cancer of the oesophagus, this week I’m textbook stomach cancer.
I don’t know how I’m going to make it to my tests in just over a fortnight. Last week they seemed sometime in the future but now they feel worryingly close.
More immediately, I don’t know how I’m going to get through today. I’m finding it really hard to concentrate. I’m going to work at home tomorrow which means I can let everything out, have a good cry and talk to the Macmillan support staff like I did last week.
Please send positivity to help me get through. I’m just so frightened.
I've got through the day at work. Now just the evening to go. Feeling tired, tearful and so scared.
Sorry to hear you had a bad day. Sorry I didn't reply sooner - have been at work. I myself had a bit of a wobble yesterday & phoned a helpline for some facts & support. My anxiety comes in waves and then I have a wobble and let it all out and then calm down. The most scary times are not knowing & being alone. Once I had facts and a treatment plan I felt better. Different people seem to find different coping strategies. I find Sundays hard as I am often alone all day. I know that I am fortunate that I have had treatment and when I'm feeling rational I'm ok but being tired & alone make things seem much worse. My counsellor suggested putting aside one hour a day for worrying which helps & I write my worries down; I also jot down what went well each day. The nurse I spoke to on a helpline yesterday also suggested anxiety uk & headspace website for support for health anxiety. Be kind to yourself & don't give up
PS remember Dr Google is not your friend! I know you are worried about going for tests but remember it is a good thing that they are investigating your symptoms. Have you reconsidered talking to your GP?; they will have more medical facts & should be able to explain what possible treatment you can expect
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