Partner has cancer


so straight away, I’m going to say, I kind of feel a bit selfish writing this as it’s not me who is going through hell, my partner of nearly 4 years was diagnosed earlier in the year with skin cancer. It has spread to her uterus.

She has been receiving treatment for a while, both Radio and Chemotherapy. We have had results back recently saying that they’ve upped the dose and has said that although it’s not shrunk, it’s also not grown. I don’t know what to make of that. But it’s scaring the hell out of me! She takes it all in her stride but I don’t know how to cope. Hence why I feel selfish!

  • Hi there ! 

    You sound exactly the same as my partner ! He is so stressed and scared , so let me tell you , your not at all selfish ! I personally think it can be harder for the family and partners as the person who has cancer seems to have more support. If my partner had cancer I would be a wreck ! But you are doing the right thing by speaking out and looking for support and I admire you as it is really difficult. All I would say , I have cancer and I want reassurance from my partner that he loves me and is there for me in any way he can be , but he needs to reach that point and as yet hasn’t . I have only just been diagnosed so can’t advise on anything else , I’ve only just joined myself , but she needs your love and support , that’s all . I hope you find reassurance yourself on here 

  • Hi,

    thank you so much for your reply! It means a lot to me. I’m sorry to hear your news! I really do appreciate you taking that time to reply to me. 

    I will always support her 100% and I don’t talk to her about my concerns as I want to be strong for her. That’s one of the reasons I’ve tried this as I do feel like I need an outlet! But I don’t want to take up time of people more in need than I am if that makes sense? 

  • Hi GazzaP666,

    You are not being selfish. My husband is my rock and this has changed our future but he stands by me with 100% commitment but l worry about his state of mind with all the worry etc and l make him go out on his own for time out. He wouldn't at first but l told him l didn't want him to become ill. You need an outlet to stay strong.

    Wishing you both all the best x

  • Hey that’s no problem ! DO talk to her about how you feel as by not doing so she may think you don’t care , I know it’s diffic doing the right thing , and stop feeling guilty !! 

    I think exactly the same ! there are others on her who have been through so much where as my journey is just starting and I have no idea what to expect , just all these treatments one after another , scans and blood tests etc  and I can’t keep track ! 

    But we  are all welcome on here I’m sure, regardless of how guilty we may feel and that old ‘ feeling like s fraud’ well as I said if it helps, I do to ! Relax , just be there you have no idea how reassuring that is for her 

    take care 

  • Thank you for your message! 

    it means a lot to me for you to take that time! 

  • Hi folks, I was having a look through the great support that was going on and thought that it would be good to highlight that the Online Community is organised into various groups so we do have lots of support groups that are Cancer specific and also ones that are general Cancer experience groups.

    Just follow the links above and when you find a place you feel you can post in hit the ‘Join This Group’ tab just under the main group name, then go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab and set up your very own Discussion and introduce yourself to the group and ask your questions.

    You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.

    We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.

    Our Online Information and Support Section  is a good place to find information covering cancer diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers.

    Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

    If you have not done this it would be good if you try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.

    All the very best.

  • Hi  and another welcome to the online community

    I'm sorry to hear that your partner's skin cancer has spread, it must be a very difficult time for you both.

    I don't think that you're being selfish in the least. It takes guts to admit that you're scared and don't know how to cope. A cancer diagnosis, as you've discovered, affects everyone and not just the person who has been diagnosed. How you're feeling is perfectly normal and you might like to take a look at this on coping with your emotions when someone close to you has cancer.

    I had a look in your profile to see what type of skin cancer your partner has but you haven't completed it yet. However, I'm presuming that it's melanoma as you said that it's spread. If I'm right you might like to come and join us in the melanoma group where you can benefit from the experiences and get support from those of us who were diagnosed with this. If it's a different type of skin cancer then please think about joining us in the skin cancer group for help and support.

    Another group that you might benefit from joining is the family and friends group where you can share your feelings and get support.

    To join any of these groups just click on the links I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the pages that open. You can then introduce yourself and ask questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    When you have a minute it would be really useful if could pop something about your partner's journey so far into your profile as it helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.