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Parents with Cancer (bowel and CL

Jenniferwren
Posted by

Hello,

I’m just looking for someone to talk to who may be feeling anxious like me due to their parents having cancer. Both my mum and dad are divorced and remarried and I have been living with my dads illness since about 2007 when I was in my early twenties. He didn’t really seem ill and was treating it with bouts of chemotherapy until he needed a bone marrow transplant and it has been a really rough couple of years as he’s been in hospital in total isolation and we’ve moved near my husbands family and I had another child so have barely been able to see him (due to risk of infection mainly) but he’s finally coming out of it and I am able to deal with that situation now.

However I’m really close to my mum and she has been staying over a few nights a month since we moved and I’m always on the phone to her, she’s never ill either, even as a nurse. My sister went to El Paso when the shooting occurred and is and was fine but the stress of her being away seemed to trigger what we thought was IBS in my mum. Went on holiday and she was quiet, she was spending time in bed struggling with constipation which I know can be nasty as I’ve had a section and I was starting to worry. Two weeks ago she had surgery on her bowel and they removed about twelve inches and told her 95% chance it’s cancer although biopsy will confirm (which hasn’t come back yet) obviously I’m really pleased they operated and removed the obstruction and that she doesn’t need a colostomy bag but I’m starting to become anxious about her prognosis and don’t know who to talk to. I’m just a ball of anxiousness and crying half the night in my pillow whilst the kids are asleep. I think they are starting chemo in six weeks they just said she needs to get over the op and wait for biopsy to come back. 

if anyone would like to talk about chronic lymphocytic lymphoma and positive stories I can share my dad (although he likes to be private too this is anonymous) but I’m looking for some advice on how to cope on getting through this selfishly really but my mum doesn’t want me making myself ill with worry. How do I stop worrying and has anyone got any positive vowel cancer stories? I looked after a friend with terminal bowel cancer in 2006 it was a really dark time so maybe the experience of that is affecting my thoughts now but also it gives me hope as it’s not as if they have my mum a time limit and said it was inoperable so that just can’t happen at this stage after operating so maybe it won’t be too bad? 

Thehighlander
Posted by

Hi  and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about the journey your family has been on.

A cancer diagnosis can indeed bring a lot of stress, confusion and questions on all the family but talking with people who are on the same journey can help a lot.

I am Mike  and I having been through two Allo Stem Cell Transplants with cells from my big brother I ‘get’ what your dad has been through and is now facing post SCT. We do have our dedicated Stem cell transplants for blood cancers where you can connect with others on or have been on the SCT Rollercoaster.

I also see that you have found our CLL, SLL, HCL, and Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer Forums so again, great places to connect with people who understand the journey your are all on.

Our CLL, SLL, HCL forum can be slow but the more it is used the more traffic it will pick up - so put up a post about your dad as any encouragement can help others a lot.

Follow the links above, go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab just under the main group name and set up your own Discussion and introduce yourself to the groups.

As I was the one with cancer I am not in the best position to help you with your wellbeing but we do have these forums where you can connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey: Carers Forum  and Friends and Family Forum.

You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.

We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.

Our Online Information and Support Section  is a good place to find information covering cancer diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers.

When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.

Talking to people face to face can help a lot. If you are in the UK - check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Supportin your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

I will keep an eye open for you in some of the forums, we are here to help as best as we can.

All the very best.

Mike - Thehighlander

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela