3 and a half weeks ago my dad slipped off the bed and the paramedics were called to help him up. His temperature was in the 40s so they took him to hospital to get him checked out. Turned out he had pnuemonia and sepsis. Within a week he'd had an MRI and CT scan and each day got worse. Ended up being told he'd got aggressive lung cancer with asbestos, bone cancer and it had gone into his lymph nodes. He's having to wear a hard collar to stop his neck from breaking and to stop the cancer going into his spinal chord to prevent paralysis. He was in 3 different hospitals over 12 days and finally came home 5 days ago. He has weeks to live. My emotions are all over the place, I feel so lost, alone and empty. One minute I'm ok and the next I'm crying or having panic attacks. I feel like my head's going to explode and I'm emotionally exhausted. My boss has been good and I've had 2 days off in total so far. While he was in hospital I was driving 80+ miles plus going to work but now he's home it's easier and I'm there every day. I feel like I'm so stressed, I'm thinking I'm seeing things and hearing every single noise....I feel like I'm losing it. Someone please tell me these things are normal x
A very warm welcome to the online community although it's not a place you want to be but the circumstances surrounding your dad has brought you to us and I'm glad you were able to reach out to us at this time and I'm very sorry to read how quickly your dads condition has changed.
You are asking if how you are feeling is normal but who really knows what is normal in a situation like this, we are all different and handle things differently which is not to say your emotions and feelings are wrong, they are right for you.
You are going through all the stages of grief all at once but eventually each stage will fall into place and you will start to cope, maybe not accept but slowly you will come to terms with your fathers condition and will see things differently.
I'd like to suggest that you think about joining our Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum group and start interacting with the other members who all are or have been in the same position as you are now, although the title is a bit off putting I can assure that the members are all very friendly and supportive towards each other and will share their experiences with you which might help you come to terms with dads diagnosis.
To join this group click on the green text and a new page will open up where if you click on join this group you can start a new discussion or join in a current one. You can ask questions, have a rant, let off steam or just come on for chat, the members being in the same boat as you will not judge you on anything you say, they've probably thought the same at one time or another.
If you are caring for your dad we have a Carers only forum which is solely for carers to come to as a safe place to meet similar people.
Whilst you are seeing your dad every day in the house you must make sure that every day you take some time off to have a break, it could be that you make a coffee, and read a book or magazine for 5 or 10 minutes you'll be feel the better for it and able to do more.
You should keep your employer in the loop and if necessary negotiate a change of your working hours to suit the times you spend with your dad
Please do think about joining the two groups you will benefit greatly by speaking to others who are the same as you.
If I can be of any further help, please give me a shout out.
Please keep in touch you have a lot of friends on here who want to be of support to you
hello MJB62 I am so sorry you are having such a painful time. Everything you feel is perfectly normal, in fact anything you feel just now is normal as each person reacts in a different way when they are grieving. It is very frightening and distressing for you just now and you will experience a lot of varying emotions. Do you have other family members and friends you can share your feelings with? You are not alone and you will certainly get support and understanding from this forum where you should feel free to cry, joke, scream or anything else and you will receive empathy and perhaps posts from those who have had similar experiences. Would it be possible for you to take compassionate leave just now or do you prefer to be at work? Whatever you decide it is important that you try and take time to take care of yourself. Phone the help line or post on here whenever you feel lost and low, there will someone to listen and understand in a few helplines, it does not have to be a cancer help line to get such support. If you are feeling particularly low or anxious please make an appointment with your GP and don't hesitate to use medication prescribed to help you. If you are religious think of speaking to your local minister, priest or religious head of your community. Do you have a local Maggies, clan or similar near where you live? You will get a warm welcome there and support and help if you drop in. Try not to panic or be consumed by your fear, do you think mindfulness would be helpful for you in managing your anxiety. Focus on the fact that your dad will no longer be in pain, it is those of us left behind that have to cope. Take time to talk to your dad, if you have good memories share them with him and if you want to tell him how much you love him. I am very sad that I did not get a chance to do this when my mother died unexpectedly. Most of all, please remember there are many friends here for you and we will support you all the way so post anytime and let us know how you are. I would like to give you a gat big comforting hug so I hoe you can feel it. I hope you sleep well tonight.
