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Mum diagnosed

Posted by

Hi everyone

New to this community.  My mum was diagnosed back in April with terminal inoperable stomach cancer.  This came as such a shock to the whole family as in January I had my little girl and my mum's first grandchild so everyone was very excited and happy, then bam along comes this diagnosis in April.  I am the youngest of my mum's children with an older sister who hasn't coped very well with the whole situation and I feel like I have to be the strong one in the family.  I told my mum I support her decision for if and when she wants to start chemo and at the beginning supported her decision if she didn't want the chemo.

Being a new mum is quite stressful but also trying to be the strong support network for the family at this time is also very difficult.  I currently feel like I am drowning and don't want to put my feelings onto either my mum or sister as they have enough to deal with.  I have a very loving and understanding husband who will do anything for me but I am one of those people who keeps everything to themselves because I don't want to be a burden to anyone else.

My mum and dad are no longer together but dad has been amazing and very supportive to us all, he will call mum to see how she is doing and mum has this happy go lucky approach when she speaks to him even though sometimes this is just a front she puts on.  She will tell me if she is feeling down or not well but the way she is with it just makes me feel upset and depressed as I feel there is nothing I can do.

The heartache when we had the diagnosis was so painful as I had hope for my mum to be around to see my little girl grow up and also potential other grandchildren.  I am glad my mum opted to go for chemo but part of me is not looking forward to the day where the doctor says we have to stop the chemo as it is no longer working and then all that heartache starts all over again except this time there is no lifeline.  This may seem weird but this is the first time I have been able to open up about how I am feeling.  I wish that this had never happened to my mum and wish there was someway I could make it all go away.

Sorry for rabbiting on.


Posted by

Good morning  and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear that about your mum.

The Online Community is a safe place that is not judgmental as we all understand. A place to unpack everything that is going on around your mum, you and your family. You can talk with folks who understand.

The position you are all in ‘is what it is’ and yes, we all wish it would all go away and return to what it was, but it’s tine to make the best of the time that is available and continuing to love and support your mum is paramount.

I see you have found our Stomach cancer forum, this is the place to talk to folks about the practical aspects of living with this type of cancer.

I also see that you have found one of our various places where you can connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey: Carers Forum  Friends and Family Forum Supporting someone with incurable cancer

You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.

We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.

Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Supportin your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.

All the very best.

Mike - Thehighlander

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela