My Mum has had cancer before in Breast and bowel and now has been diagnosed with secondary bone cancer. She seems to have herself dead and buried...She cleared out loads of stuff at home so that I wouldn't have to do it 'after'. Then she broke her femur (where the bone cancer is) and has been in hospital for 5 weeks. She just seems so down.....different from the other times she has faced cancer from which she recovered. She is sleeping loads and not eating, saying she is nauseous and at times she is actively sick. She has been told her CT scan was clear but her nausea is worrying. Has anyone out there experienced similar with a relative and how can I help her when she seems to have given up hope?
Hi and welcome to the online community and I'm sorry to have had to come along and join us at this time, but fortunately you have found a group of people who are willing to give you advice and support.
It is indeed very worrying to watch someone we love give up on themselves and we feel helpless and not know which way to turn for advice on how to help.
You're asking how you give your mother hope and I can only suggest you keep persevering and talking to her and not give up on her. Her condition and how she is feeling maybe down to the drugs regime she is on and it might be worthwhile speaking with her doctor and telling him (her) what you are seeing and ask if they can something to help your mum eat and stop being nauseous.
Being around her and just talking even although she takes everything as being a negative you should never give hope if you do then your mum will sense it and sink further into depression.
You asked in another group if your mum should have counselling and I would think that would be a good idea and I would ask the nursing staff or the OT team if they can arrange for it to happen.
Normally I would be suggesting some groups for you to join but I see you've beaten me to it and have joined quite a few which is good because you can meet all lot of friendly people that you can chat to and give to advice.
I nite however that you've not joined our Carers only group and I would suggest you come along and join us, in this group it is restricted to carers so you know you are speaking with people who look after others who maybe going through the same as you and will share their experiences freely with you.
At this time however, and I already sense that you are having doubts, you should remain positive but remember you can only do that if you look after yourself, take time out for yourself and have some ME, and when you see mum you will be refreshed and able to handle the situation and remain positive for your mum.
Never give hope.
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Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I think I will try to get her counselling - that's something to work on this week. She is in a care home at the minute for rehabilitation to her leg fracture but since being there she has definitely gone downhill in her mood. She has not been assigned any 'cancer care' as such because in the care home they are treating the fracture. Can I contact a local macmillan centre to ask for a visit or do I have to wait until she is assigned someone later?
Thanks for giving us some more information.
Being in a care home is a very daunting experience for anyone and can be very depressing and as they your mum is there rehabilitation due to her fracture her other needs may not be attended to.
I am assuming you are talking about Macmillan nurses being assigned to her you would need to have a referral from her GP but as she is in a care home I'm not sure if it would be possible
When she returns home she will be under the care if her GP who can arrange for a district nurse to call but unfortunately all care at home appears now to be self funded and when she does come home you should apply for an attendance allowance for her to help with paying for home care
Please give your priority to getting counselling and the care home should be able to help, speak directly with the manager about this and any other concerns you have.
Another thing you might want to look at is speaking to your local council, in my area we have a unit called see and solve and a social worker comes to the home and does a full assessment of your needs and put in place everything that is needed, try speaking with the Adult Social Care team for help.
You can also speak with our friendly team of support advisers who can give advice on financial matters, support, energy and benefits the call is free and you have nothing to lose by speaking with them but a lot to gain the team start taking calls at 8 am this morning until 8 pm this evening and are there every day to listen and help you
The number to call is
0808 808 0000
Why not speak to them this morning.
Keep pushing for help for your mum she's worth it.
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