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Anticipatory grief

Posted by

Hi, am new to the group and just needed someone to talk to. Long story short - my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in Oct 2014 but by the time she got the diagnosis she also had liver and lung cancer and was given 12 months to live. She has fought and fought it for years and is still fighting it but I can see the deterioration and I believe the end is imminent. It is always the elephant in the room and as the youngest child (even though I am now 35) I am shielded from a lot of information - my mums just says I’m fine and changes the subject. My sister emigrated to Australia a few months ago, leaving just myself and my dad. I am very bitter about this but have not expressed that with anyone, I dont feel I can but it is eating me up inside and I don’t think i will ever forgive her for leaving my mum, my dad and myself when we need her most. She has gone knowing that she will never see mum alive again as neither will her 3 teenage children. I can see a huge deterioration in the last few months and more recently, I can’t explain it other than she is an alternative version of the mother I love dearly - the way she acts, speaks and behaves. She sleeps most of the day and is a shadow of her former self. I don’t really know what responses I want but just looking for someone in a similar position. This not something I can talk openly about within my family as my mum won’t soeak about it, I don’t want to put pressure on my dad, I currently hold so much bitterness towards my sister and my husband doesn’t understand x

Posted by


welcome to the online community, sorry you've had to come and find us

I really hope that writing all that down has given you a bit of relief !

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Grief is a terrible thing but it is actually natural and you shouldn't worry that you're feeling this way.

I'm not sure which group to point you towards to help you most, have you managed to look around the site ? 

May I suggest a boxing class to vent some of that frustration ???

There's always the helpline to if you want to talk to someone, I found it quite helpful, although I prefer chatting on here. 

If nothing else try watching Billy Connelly's the Big Send Off, it's in two parts but it's very good.




 real life success stories to remind you that people do survive breast cancer

Dr Peter Harvey


Posted by

Hi and welcome to the Mac family I am so sorry that you have come to join us.

I'm sorry to say your story is not usual and your feelings are understandable especially when you have no one to talk to.

Normally I would signpost you to our Breast cancer group but I think it might be beneficial for you to look at our Family and friends group or Emotional issues group and introducing yourself to the members in the groups, many of the members may have been where you are at at this time and are very friendly and supportive  to each other.

No matter which of the groups you join and you can join as many as you want, you will find a place where you can talk freely, rant  let off steam or anything else you feel like doing and the members will listen to you and give you help, support and advice as needed.

Please do consider joining one of the groups as soon as possible.


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Posted by

My dad is terminal and I have one sibling (younger brother) I can imagine how angry you must feel. I can’t imagine him leaving us. I guess everyone copes differently. Not helpful I know but just to say I understand your pain xxx