Hi, I’m new to the community and not sure what support I am looking for.
My partner and I have just entered our 60s. In 2016, a year before we met, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent a lumpectomy, lymph node removal and a course of radiotherapy. Six years ago, the cancer returned, having metastasised to her lungs. Since then, Palbociclib, Letrozole, monthly blood tests, regular CT scans and no side effects meant living a healthy and active life. Then, a couple of months ago, she began to experience back pain, radiating to her ribs and chest. She was told categorically by her oncology team that it was unrelated to the cancer. Painkillers and physio made no difference to the symptoms and on her next appt with her oncology team they arranged for some MRI scans. These revealed Metastatic Spinal Cord Compression and a large brain tumour. This prompted an immediate admission to hospital. A fortnight ago, she received radiotherapy to the spinal cord tumour, and this week is having a left posterior fossa craniotomy to remove the brain tumour.
In a matter of a few months, she has gone from living an active life of cycling, gardening and yoga to being almost completely immobilized by pain, unable to walk unaided from bed to bathroom. She describes it as falling over a cliff.
I knew the day would come when my role of supportive partner would morph into carer. Despite living under a constant shadow – our life has been suddenly and completely replaced with one of pain and suffering. She has had to surrender her driving license and has now officially retired from work. Our future, even looking ahead only as far as Christmas, looks very different from how it did a very short time ago.
I have no family and very few friends. The lack of care or support from my partner’s family and friends has also resulted in a huge readjustment to her relationships. I know I can deal with each of the new demands, but SO much is changing in such a small space of time, I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed by the speed of it all.
Hi ChinaBand a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and I do see that you have already joined one of our dedicated groups…..
Supporting someone with incurable cancer……
You may also want to have a look at our Carers only also.
These groups will connect you with a wide range of members navigating the exact same challenges supporting your partner and indeed yourself.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
We also have Cancer Specific Groups where you may also connect with others on the same journey.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
