Being a carer for husband with bladder cancer

Hi. My husband was diagnosed with muscle invasive bladder cancer last October.  I am his carer.  Things are getting tougher   Treatment is practically non existent since covid added to the fact that our children can't visit to help a bit.  I feel bad because I get cross with him 

  • Hi Stone123 welcome to the forum and I am so sorry to hear how challenging things are for you right now.

    Don't feel bad, you couldn't be normal if you didn't get cross at times, especially with the situation re Covid which is making things doubly bad for all. 

    I am including a link for you in this email that will take you straight to the Carers Forum when you click on the link and people in there will be able to support you and chat and just generally be there for you throughout this difficult time.

    carers forum

    I hope that you find that you are not alone in your caring role by dropping into this forum. 

    Sending huge big hugs your way for now. xxx

  • Please forgive me if this is incorrect - I’ve never posted anything before and am not much good with technology. I am in a similar situation as my husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer in February then told in March it was in his kidney and lymph nodes as well. It’s incurable. There is no good time to get cancer but this COVID crisis is horrendous. Like you, being unable to have our adult children and grandchildren visit and to give emotional and practical support is very distressing. Please don’t feel bad about feeling cross - you are only human and I’m sure you are doing an amazing job looking after him. I don’t think we realise how mentally and physically exhausting it can be for carers. My husband has just started some palliative chemo to ease symptoms and try to stop further spread. He ended up in hospital just days after his first dose and was ill with Neutropenia, a very scary time.  I’m terrified as I have used up all my sickness pay at work and must go back soon but don’t know how I can leave him during the day or how long we have got together. 

  • Hi , welcome to the online community, its very nice of you to post in support of , I’m a patient not a carer but I would like to add in agreement, don’t feel bad about feeling cross it’s very natural. I hope you’ve also thought about joining the carers group that mentions in her post to get some support for yourself, or as you mention your husband is incurable, you might like to look at the other supporting group I’ll put a link below.

    https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/supporting_someone_with_incurable_cancer/discussions

    When I was diagnosed as being incurable a Macmillan nurse came around to give me a pack about what help was available locally and she arranged for me to have a visit from a Macmillan adviser to do a benefits assessment. When you mention about using up all your sickpay, I wondered if you and your husband have had a benefits assessment or a chat about your rights as a carer. From the link below when you move further down the page you should see a get help section that I’m hoping might be useful for you as well.

    https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support

    My husband is waiting for some appointments and I think I’m now realising what he’s had to go through for me! 

    I hope you are all able to access the support and help you need.

    Take care KT