Coping with the end.

Hi,  I really don't know what to say or if this is even the right thing to do but once again it is 2:30am and I am sat on the sofa unable to sleep as thoughts keep going round my head.  

Dad's cancer treatment has been withdrawn and his team are predicting 2-3months. We are now about half way through this.  Because of the Covid situation I spent the first two weeks in isolation so I could move in to my parents home to help care for him, i have now spent two weeks with him and have just returned home so my toddler can see her Daddy to start the whole process again as we live so far away. 

On Friday he asked to go to a cemetery so he could see it before he goes there, my mum was unable to get out the car so Dad and I spent 20mins sitting on a bench staring at fresh graves. When we got home he started planning his funeral and talking about his body. 

As I said I'm not sure why I'm writing this or if it's the right thing to do but right now I am angry that Covid is stealing the time I have left with my Dad, that so many idiots are breaking the rules to get some sun, and tired as going to bed has become the worst part of the day as that's when my mind goes into overdrive. 

  • Hi  and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis and the challenges you are facing but I am pleased to say that you have found a safe place to find some support.

    There is no guide book for this and we just had to muddle through as best as we could with our parents. But the one thing we did do was see them as living beings right to the end and continued to make memories as long as we could.

    We took out the old photos and laughed at what we looked like and listened to old stories. We could not change what was happening but we could control how we got through it as best as we could.

    This can be full of confusion, stress and many questions but I found talking with other people who are on the same type of journey helped a lot.

    I see you have found our very supportive Supporting someone with incurable cancer group. This would be a great place for you to connect with others supporting family through this part of their cancer journey.

    Follow the link I've created above then hit ‘start a discussion’ and you are ready to go. Introduce yourself to the group - they understand.

    You could then copy and paste the information from this first post into your new discussion or you can just join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.

    You may also find our Carers only and Family and friends groups helpful as well.

    It’s always good to talk, so can I highlight the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00. This service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information and Financial Support mostly open 8.00 to 8.00

    All the very best and a warm ((hug)) from me.

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • dear Sarah and family

    i add family as you are all going through this and need each other to help .having a loved one who is very ill is a terrible thing to deal are trying to do everything to make every second count but just spending time talking over past memories and making new ones are what is important.people don't realise how lucky they are to be able to go out and not put everybody at risk by breaking the safe self and my brother  have been in lock-down for 4 months now and really worry when we can go out but in time we will come to terms with our new way.we wish you all the best and you will be in our prayers

    bye for now