Supporting someone with incurable cancer

For carers, friends and families of people with a terminal diagnosis to discuss their emotions about the prospect of losing their loved ones, as well as practical issues about palliative care and end of life.

Feeling guilty

Mars33
Posted by

My mum has terminal cancer and has only 2 months left. I was doing ok supporting mum and everyone else for the last month now I have just become so depressed and I am feeling so unbelievably guilty for feeling this way. I have anxiety and depression anyway but that doesn't matter. I just wanted advice on how to stay positive and strong for my mum

latchbrook
Posted by

Hi

Please don't feel guilty that you've become depressed. Knowing that your mum has terminal cancer will put you under a lot of stress. You might find it helpful to look through this information from Macmillan on your emotions when someone close to you has cancer.

I also wondered if you might find it helpful to talk through these feelings with someone on the Macmillan Support Line? You can call them on 0808 808 0000 for free and there's someone there to talk to every day from 8am to 8pm.

x

 "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

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lthenderson
Posted by

Mars33,

I'm not sure I know how to stay positive in a situation like what you are in. But I found the best way to stay strong was to focus on today. I would wake up and ask myself, how can I make this day the best day I can for my mother. That might be cooking her favorite food, looking at family pictures with her, reading to her or doing some chore she wanted done while she was sleeping. When I focused on today, it was much easier to get through that thinking about the next week or month. 

My mother has been gone for 11 months now and I'm still healing emotionally but I do know that during those final months, they were the best days we could have given her.

Mars33
Posted by

Thanks so much for your kind words and advice. Taking a day at a time is very important and I just want to do the best by my mum. She has looked after me all through my life so it's my turn to return the favour. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have lots of support around you and know that I am just a message away if you need to talk sending you lots of love mhairi 

Mars33
Posted by

Thanks for your message and advice means a lot. I might think about calling the number you put down. Anytime you need to talk I'm here take care xxx