Supporting someone with incurable cancer

For carers, friends and families of people with a terminal diagnosis to discuss their emotions about the prospect of losing their loved ones, as well as practical issues about palliative care and end of life.

Emotional support

Ldoodle
Posted by

Hi everyone - my husband was given his diagnosis in November last year. He’s 47 & we have two young children (9 & 10) his treatment has been going really well. However, I’m struggling & fear for the future. I hope he’s here for many, many years but the uncertainty is making me very anxious. I’m sure everyone feels this but does anyone have any tips they can share that makes things a little easier? I’m strong for him & our girls but now feel like I’m wavering. Thank you.

ChrisM5498
Posted by

Hi, 

Sorry to hear what you're going through, you are in the right place to talk about what you're feeling as we are all in the same boat on here. What you're feeling is completely natural, we all have moments when you get that nagging little voice in your head saying "I can't do this anymore", and having a place to offload when those moments come is extremely important. My situation is my mum has secondary liver cancer, it's high grade and incurable. What makes it worse is that she's a four hour drive from my home, so whenever the phone rings or a message comes through I fear the worst. 

Often having a good rant and moan on here helps, it's a bit impersonal and just words on a screen, but I find it helps to put down in words what I'm feeling and thinking. Other than that I've been relying on exercise, in the two months since my mum got her diagnosis I've turned into a bit of a gym junkie, and it can be surprisingly therapeutic to burn off the stress, anger and all the bad feelings. 

It's the worst part of this horrible disease, that it's not just the person who has it who is affected, it's all their family and friends who are impacted. We all need support and help to get through it.

Fingers crossed that your husband's treatment continues to go well!

C

Sunflowers15
Posted by

Hello Ldoodle, my husband too has cancer and we have been on this journey for now two and a half years. We too have children age 8, 10 and 21. I too struggle at times some more than others in regards to what we have to come. The uncertainty in regards to this journey we are on is so hard at times the only certainty is that the journey will ultimately end with the loss of my husband and the loss of my children's father. I am quite an optimistic person in general so have tried to keep that going, always trying to find something good in a  circumstance on this journey when it is hard to do and obviously it is hard to do at some tiimes more than others You say you are strong for him and your girls but are now wavering, the optimist thinker in me would turn this sentence to I am strong for him and our girls but am now wavering but this is to be expected at times. I also focus on I myself am doing the best I can in supporting my husband, family and indeed myself on this journey. I also have turned to exercise as a means of coping with the stress and anger in the situation we are in this has really helped me. I dont know if this will help and I know everyone's journey is different but at diagnosis a very dim picture was painted to us but the picture painted changed with treatment. Treatment was stopped in Dec due to rare side effects but amazingly he has been stable for 6 months we are calling this our little miracle as we never expected this. Last year in Feb he was expected to last about 3 months, he started another treatment and that treatment is ultimately what got him to this period of stability, however with the treatment came life changing side effects but he is here and has a reasonable quality of life and at the moment relatively free of pain. Good luck and take care x