Supporting someone with incurable cancer

For carers, friends and families of people with a terminal diagnosis to discuss their emotions about the prospect of losing their loved ones, as well as practical issues about palliative care and end of life.

Does it get easier?

Oldsoldier
Posted by

Hi, my wife was diagnosed terminal endometrial cancer on 1st April. We have been battling it since 2017 and were given the all clear in Oct last year. First routine scan revealed it had come back more aggressive and is now terminal. Pain management, palliative chemo, deteriorating mobility. Our life has been turned upside down. From talking about holidays to now talking about wills and funerals. I returned to work today after 2 weeks bedside care for my wife in hosp as she has an infection. It felt great to be back at work, I felt guilty though as I was not at my wife's side. I went to the hosp later. I feel like our life has been turned upside down and I am struggling to cope with everything. My wife was approached by a lady opposite her in hosp who is is near death. Her husband seems a nice guy. I have nobody to talk to, though I am starting to see a charity councillor this week, they aren't going through it. I hope life gets easier

Craig
elephant222
Posted by

Hi Craig, I hope your meeting with the counsellor goes well and that and that things get a little easier for you.

Moggiington
Posted by

Thinking of you and your wife. It’s so tough.  My dad has stage 4 advanced renal cancer and he is still with us even when it’s looked bleak, thank fully. I have found comfort in this site both by others responding and just reading that others are going through this too, and learning from them. All the best 

Saffie
Posted by

Hi Old soldier

, Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in, yet we find ourselves here and unfortunately there is no easy way out. Don’t feel guilty about going back to work, hopefully it will give you a bit of normality for a few hours that you are there and give you a different perspective when you visit your wife in hospital later. My husband stage 4 Thymic cancer and now apart from palliative radiotherapy we are at the end of the road for treatment.

I have found that turning from being reactive to problems as they occur to being proactive has helped. For instance we have a holiday booked at Centre Parcs next week which was cancelled from last Sept as he was too poorly,,  so rather than worry myself silly as to how he is going to cope with all the up hills and down dales, I’ve prebooked  a mobility scooter, not what I would have wanted but it will still allow him to enjoy the holiday. We are looking at getting him a mobility scooter for home, a blue badge for the car and eventually a stair lift. Definitely, not what either of us would have wanted twelve months ago but it allows him to reserve the energy he has to enjoy life to the full. 

Hang in there

Saffie x

Sussex
Posted by

Hi Craig,

So sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis.

I've been in your shoes, so totally empathise with where you are.

You will feel guilty, you shouldn't but you will - I was fortunate that I could give up work, and still felt guilty - probably some professional will be able to explain why partners feel guilty despite the fact that they are doing their best - all I can say is, its another curse that comes with your partner having this sh*t disease.

You will find a way to get through this, it seems impossible, but you will. Not sure I can say life gets easier - but it will get manageable.

Seek any happiness you can get together - you will be able to find some, in small things (binge watching fav tv shows) to big things, going away - but seek it out - every hour you spend with enjoyment together is like recharging your batteries.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to speak very bluntly with someone who has been in your shoes.

Every best wish and hope to you and your wife.