Feelings after early stage cancer diagnoses

I had stage 1, grade A endometrial cancer all fixed with a radical hysterectomy. No follow-up treatment needed and discharged from the clinic a month after surgery. It feels like cancer didn't really exist, and it is hard to even say out loud that I had it. I am incredibly lucky and I know it. Yet, 3 years later I am trapped in an anxious cycle wondering when and where it will come to next, will I catch it early again next time, or will it ravage my body without me even noticing, and did they even get it all in the first place!?. 3am panic attacks are becoming the norm, as are a racing heart and imaginary lumps. My whole body aches and I feel like I have failed to bounce back and become my old self, or even a brand new me, like I should have!

I don't talk about it, I don't want to make a fuss as my cancer was a mere blip that lasted just a few weeks. I don't want to take time away from resources that are needed by people far worse off than me. My family and friends were just relieved it amounted to nothing and it feels like I am being dramatic if I even mention it.

How do I stop feeling ashamed, guilty and scared and just stop thinking about it so I can get on with the life I am very fortunate to have? Feel like I'm driving myself mad!

  • Thanks Jatz, I'm sorry to hear you are going through something similar to me, although I am glad to hear that I am not alone in the way that I feel! Thank you for sharing! 

    I was always so full of beans, confident and happy go lucky before all of this too, but somehow have lost a bit of myself on the way. 

    I'm heading off to hospital in Tuesday for some rounds of tests, the first in 3 years! I'm relieved to be getting seen and hoping it will help put my mind at rest about things for a while.

    You should be proud of yourself for looking for some support after 7 months, it has taken me 3 years to be able to admit to myself that I need some support because I actually am going through something, and I am not 100% ok!

    Glad to meet you here!

    Jelli

  • Hi

    I think everyone who has been diagnosed with cancer feels as you do!  The article by Dr Peter Harvey helped me to rationalise it.  Your body has let you down!

    I am a healthy happy person. Never overweight, follow a healthy diet yet I have had cancer twice!  It does not take much for me to be catapulted back to that dark place of fear and uncertainty.

    At the time I got through it but the fear of cancer never leaves you!  You just need to work hard to deal with it!

    Counselling can help and I use the Headspace app when I am struggling!  It uses a mindfulness approach.  

    Keeping busy - distraction- works and appreciating the little things in life. - making every day count!

    Good luck!

    Jac

    Life is what happens when you are making other plans!  
     
     
  • Hi Mike,

    Thank you for sharing your personal story. I definitely want to see the view. Would be awesome to see it in Scotland!! I’m feeling much more supported and not alone.

    thank you so much for taking the time to sharing yourself thoughts, I find them incredibly motivating. 

    today has been a good day and that’s thanks to this community 

    cheers

    Jatz

    Jatz 
  • Thanks so much Jelli, I feel much less alone and less paranoid about my current state.

    i hope the tests go well. Make sure to reward yourself afterwards, that’s how I’ve coped! Lots of coffee and cake!!!

    chat soon, take care of you

    Jatz

    Jatz 
  • I just came across your post , it could of been written by me . I feel exactly the same as you . X

  • Hi, I’m glad you found my post, but I’m sorry you are the same boat. I still struggle daily, but am slowly getting more good days than bad. It’s a very frustrating road we travel. Be kind to yourself, and take care of you. X

    Jatz