Feeling low apprehensive

Hi all I feel a little bit of a fraud to be honest , but thought I'd share my thoughts.

Just finished treatment for radiotherapy  maltoma lymphoma Lung .

Its left me feeling quite low in mood & apprehensive about the result ,positive thinking that it's gone, but cannot stop thinking beyond that .

I thought I would be glad that its finally been treated  after 3 years watch & wait progression twice. 

I'm off work & cannot bring myself to go back ,working in the hospital loving my job .

But I've lost all my confidence & feel so emotional at times feel even started to feel jealous of of my support bestest friends cos they have more energy & enthusiasm than myself right now .

Wish I could snap out of feeling so low maybe the cough flue which I've picked up is adding to the way I'm feeling .

Life after treatment isn't what I'd expected.

Thought I'd be buzzing back at work happy that the  old me has returned back to help others ...enjoy banter have a little fun .

From what I've read it seems quite normal I guessing I will get there ....

I wish everyone  on here my best wishes you are truly inspiration xxx

 

  • Omg. I so feel the same way. Having had an operation,chemo and radiotherapy (just finished on Christmas Eve) I feel so down and fed up. Almost a thought of abandonment. So what now I say,everyone said get back to normal it’s all over. Maybe for them it is but why do I feel like it’s just beginning. Some even say I bet your glad your better now arghhhhhh. Well I guess yes it is normal it was hard to go through and yes I rang the bell no more treatment for now so I should be happy. I feel like from Christmas Eve I’ve felt sicker than I ever did with treatment lol how is that even possible. 

    Goodie 
    always smile makes people wonder what your up to 
  • Well coming from hospital environment  I'm guessing our immune symptom must still below ,yeah I get it's going to be good results shrink down to nothing  then you can move on .

    If only it was that simple then we would have no need for sitesl like these (which are amazing amazing by the way).

    Today I'm feeling so unwell I will need to ring nurse specialist  , was trying to afford this but I'm burning up a little like I have fever glands are up to & coughing so much .

    This really wasn't what I expected  guess when were unwell we ovef think everything dont we (especially with Cancer) .

    That began to be my new norm, one positive carryon with life working with the burden safely tuckedaqay in my head .

    Then the other day cannot cope when will it do one so I can get my life back physically  & mentally .

    I hope you are on the road to recovery Goodie we must try our hardest to keep positive even on those bad days .

    I started yoga a year after I came to terms with it whilst it was still watch & wait .

    This really helped me huge amounts I still go even when I'm feeling crap because its gentle exercise helps with the mind & breathing , I also found talking really helps I used to hold it in & try to alone .

    But now everyone knows lol

    Prehaps that's why everyone  thinks I'm coping xxxx

    Happy to chat anytime  this has helped so much x

  • Well coming from hospital environment  I'm guessing our immune symptom must still below ,yeah I get it's going to be good results shrink down to nothing  then you can move on .

    If only it was that simple then we would have no need for sitesl like these (which are amazing amazing by the way).

    Today I'm feeling so unwell I will need to ring nurse specialist  , was trying to afford this but I'm burning up a little like I have fever glands are up to & coughing so much .

    This really wasn't what I expected  guess when were unwell we ovef think everything dont we (especially with Cancer) .

    That began to be my new norm, one positive carryon with life working with the burden safely tuckedaqay in my head .

    Then the other day cannot cope when will it do one so I can get my life back physically  & mentally .

    I hope you are on the road to recovery Goodie we must try our hardest to keep positive even on those bad days .

    I started yoga a year after I came to terms with it whilst it was still watch & wait .

    This really helped me huge amounts I still go even when I'm feeling crap because its gentle exercise helps with the mind & breathing , I also found talking really helps I used to hold it in & try to alone .

    But now everyone knows lol

    Prehaps that's why everyone  thinks I'm coping xxxx

    Happy to chat anytime  this has helped so much x

  • Hi Mandy , it's been a while since we last talked in the NHL group and it is good to see you posting and looking into how you can navigate the post treatment part of this rollercoaster.

    As you can see from and in all the various discussions (using the discussion tab) that this part of the journey does take time and some measure of perseverance to get through and find a way forward..... some can move on quickly but for others this is a big challenge.

    I like mental pictures and the one that came to mind when I was having a look at your post was this.

    During treatment we all walk a winding road full of unwanted bumps and challenges and once treatment is complete we get some good news...... we eventually turn a corner and see a beautiful glen (being Scottish).

    We start to explore the glen and yes things look great but we then come to a river..... and there is no bridge only slippery stepping stones. These have to be negotiated carefully, you follow one route and realise the the gap is to wide so get discouraged, stressed and apprehension starts to build but it will often take us to 'step away' from this position to break the cycle and look for another way forward...... slowly progression can be made and it can.

    Stepping away can be finding a safe place to unpack all the stuff we collect during our treatment, it could be some one on one support. I found some great support in our local Maggie’s Centre or check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area.

    Talking with folks who have walked the walk can also be very therapeutic and helps refocus.

    I go to a men's support group in our Maggie's.... all kinds of cancer backgrounds and some with a terminal prognosis (1 -2 years) and it is an eye opener that helps me pigeonhole various parts of this post treatment life.

    But this Community is also a good safe place to unload as we all understand ((hugs))

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • That is lovely way of parting it highlander 

    I will find the strength I've done it many times before on my rollercoaster ride .

    Its lovely to be able to let how I feel out through these forums .

    When i work  in hospital  I do contacts with patients who have cancer going through treatment  ,for me helping them kept me busy staying focused .

    I have the added bonus of support from my team when I need them .

    Today was the the day I reach out for advise booked doctors appointment  the nurse specialist feels I may have chest infection .

    Which i need to get rid of so i can negotiate them stepping stones to get across that river x 

    I'm also focusing  on my dear friend who need strength & support  like most of us here to get through her newly diagnosed cancer .

    So I need to be strong to support her . 

    Your words are a great help Thank you x

  • i get exactly what you are saying finished my last chemo sep and thought i would be a brand new person not letting anything get me down but i just feel miserable all the time and so tired have to nap everyday  and i’m only 35 thought i would feel more ecstatic than i do about getting over cancer 

    family is everything
  • Only joined on Saturday and this has helped me to see all the feeling I have are normal. Thank you everybody 

    Goodie 
    always smile makes people wonder what your up to 
  • Morning Goodie001

    This morning I've been coughing so much think I've damaged & strained every part of my body lol 

    But just want to share this with you .

    My Sons girlfriend bought me a gift at Christmas its ( Calm The Journal by Ferne cotton )

    It's not related  to the cancers we all have been through but you can put pen to paper .

    I have started doing this since the 1st of Jan (writing out lifes daily stresses to help you find your peaceful centre ).

    It really helps today I wrote how I'm normally  in control off everything I do or around me .....

    But having cancer of any type  or had  you have no control over at all your world crumbles around you. 

    There is life after all your treatments done & sharing our thoughts kindness will help us all get through .

    I've got the worst cold flue I've ever experienced following  radiotherapy but I'm doing everything I can to shake it off .

    Take a look at the journal Goodie it may help it may not check out a new focus maybe yoga  ..

    I for one love it  & cannot wait to get back to it next week .

    Thank s for listening and supporting each other x

  • Thanks for the recommendation

    Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.