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Life after cancer

This group is for cancer survivors and people who have finished treatment. It is a space to discuss things like the physical and emotional after effects of cancer, returning to work, or trying to move on with your life.

Relationship falling apart

Posted by

My husband has been my rock until I started radiotherapy in May

he says he feels empty, he doesn’t fell the same way about me anymore and he just wants to hide away and be on his own. He says that maybe he’s not in love with me anymore but won’t seek any help or talk to anyone about how he feels. He’s changed the way he kisses me, communicates with me and is very angry and snappy al the time, even with the children. I understand he’s been through a lot looking after me and the kids but I don’t know how to help him. I’m starting to feel I’d be better off alone and I don’t know what to do.

Posted by

Hi sdjmilk,

So sorry to hear about your husband's changed feelings. Could it be he's angry with the cancer, or as u say simply that he's been thru a lot?

Cancer changes everything n makes u reassess life, both those personally affected n those close to them.

Would he consider going to counselling with u?

U say he won't talk to anyone about it, but maybe if u were both going?? If not, could u go by yourself? - check under "In your area"on the home page,  u may have a Maggie's centre nearby. Also. the helpline on 0808 808 0000 8am to 8pm can advise u.

Good luck. xx

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
Posted by

It’s hard for family members never mind the person going through the treatment. Your husband needs to talk. Maggie’s are there for everyone affected by cancer. MacMillan helpline is worth a try. It’s such a difficult one but I hope he realises he needs to reach out and that is ok

good luck x

Posted by

Hello there,

I'm the husband of a cancer survivor and it's difficult to put into words just how tough it's been for me. My wife has been through hell, and I've been along side her every step of the way. She's been surrounded with care (as you would of course want and expect) but nobody has been watching my back. Nobody has ever asked me if I'm ok.

Additionally she's had two really big operations and I'm convinced the first one changed her personality - it turned her into a cold and empty person. For the last few years I've been walking around with a photocopy of my wife; I can tell there is a big chunk missing. And only I see it... her public side is the same. So we jsut carry on as normal, thankful that her cancer journey is over and she survived (while in my head I'm thinking "who the bloody hell has swapped my wife for this stranger!?").

I'm not for a second saying this is what's happened with you guys. I'm just just telling you my story.

I'm utterly exhausted from everything that she's been through - and yet, compare what I'm going through to what she's had to deal with and my problems look absolutely tiny. I've spoken to Maggies, and I'm looked at counselling for myself, and as much as is possible, I try to talk to my "new" wife about it... but so far I'm making zero progress.

It could be your husband has got cancer support fatigue... is anyone watching his back?

Take care and I'm sending you love and hugs for what you're going through.

Ask me anything and I'll try give a husband carer's perspective :)

Posted by

I think your post is very brave so thank you for posting. My husband lost his Mother last March then my diagnosis was in November so he’s had an extremely stressful time. So I completely recognise that the carer’s need support too. I hope you find some x

Posted by

Thank you for your reply. I fully understand that sometimes it is harder for the carer in this situation. I do think my husband has PTSD from my operation in March. Unfortunately myself and the children are now in therapy but he still refuses to admit he has a problem with his emotional well-being. I just hope he doesn’t let it ruin the rest of his life as the next ‘bump in the road’ will bring the same problems.

I’m very sad for us all but my priority must be me and the children from now on.

i do really appreciate your reply so thank you and I wish you well.