Life after cancer

This group is for cancer survivors and people who have finished treatment. It is a space to discuss things like the physical and emotional after effects of cancer, returning to work, or trying to move on with your life.

Completely lost

teddycottis
Posted by

First of all, sorry if I waffle on. Two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. They removed the tumour and affected lymph nodes. I was so malnourished that my bowel split open so a stoma bag was put in place. I had 6 months of chemo only to find out it had spread to my ovaries. I had a full hysterectomy. A scan following this then showed it had gone to one of my lymph nodes. I had a further 6 months chemo. Two months following I had further surgery to reverse my bag, remove some lining of my stomach and to check if there was any disease left. I’ve been told there’s none. I’m disease free. They’ve found nothing.  Since being told this I’ve hit a deep depression and am terrified of being happy. As soon as I have a really good day I panic the cancer will return and it will all come to an end. I have panic attacks and mood swings and my poor kids don’t whether there coming or going. It’s ridiculous, I spent two years living in fear that I’d never get rid of it and now that I have I’m living in fear it will come back.

Tinytim
Posted by

Hello your not on your own my freind if it's any help I feel exactly the same it's a strange one isn't it sometimes I drift off and forget everything that's happened and then I'm back in again I also had the all clear stay strong it's a emotional rollercoaster but we're still riding tc X 

Thehighlander
Posted by

Hi  and welcome to the Online Community but sorry that you are experiencing the post treatment turmoil.

You would think that once you get the all clear you would be so happy and move on but you have to accept that your body and mind has been through a battle, yes it looks like the physical battle has been won but the battle between your ears is still being fought.

Will cancer come back - we have no idea and for me I have been told that due to all my treatments I am high up the list in developing skin cancer. But I have been on this journey now for 19 years and have come to the conclusion that I WILL live this life I have been given, no gifted to live.

The post cancer journey is like driving a car. The future is visa ke through a big wide windscreen. The past is only voidable in little mirrors and the more we move foward the more the past will get smaller and out of view.

You may want to find somewhere to talk with someone as this is often the best way to unpack this big rucksack of stuff you have on your back. Check out if you have a Macmillan Support Centre or a Maggie's Centre near you as these places can help or just phone our Macmillan help line on 0808 808 00 00 9am-8pm and talk with some of the amazing folks on the line.

You have been gifted a new start please commit to enjoy each new day that comes along.

It would also be really useful if you could put something into your profile as this does help others when replying to you or for those looking for support and information as they can read a bit about your journey so far.

Just click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile' under the 'Profile Settings'. If you're not sure what sort of thing to put just click on my username,  to read my profile but my journey was rather long so it is a touch like War and Peace ;)

And you could make a cup of tea and have a look at this paper about Life after Treatment - just hit the link

http://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

All the best

Mike - Thehighlander

Some journeys take us far from home but some adventures lead us to our destiny CS Lewis

SCT NHL TCell

teddycottis
Posted by

First of all love the CS Lewis quote. Thankyou for your reply it has given me something to think about. It’s exhausting living your life in fear but I’m sure with in time and with each scan things will get a little easier (I hope). I will now go and get that cup of tea and read the link you sent me. Thankyou xx

Thehighlander
Posted by

Hi again, I am the most annoyingly positive person you will ever come across - sorry ;)

I am about to go off grid for a while as I vista my mum, so hitching up the deer and the sledge and doing the Santa run.

Niw take your time looking through the paper, I often go back and look at it, why not get some post-it's and put up some encouraging thoughts as this all help turn the battle in the head.

You know that our brains use up 20% of our daily energy requirements - add stress and this goes up to 40%........ so taking steps to turn the stress down helps to develop a more happy and healthy life.

It would also be really useful if you could put something into your profile as this does help others when replying to you or for those looking for support and information as they can read a bit about your journey so far.

Just click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile' under the 'Profile Settings'. If you're not sure what sort of thing to put just click on my username, to read my profile but my journey was rather long so it is a touch like War and Peace ;)

Highlander ((hugs))

Mike - Thehighlander

Some journeys take us far from home but some adventures lead us to our destiny CS Lewis

SCT NHL TCell