How to get motivated

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Hi, I have lung cancer, or chest wall disease. I completed 13 sessions of chemotherapy in July and the last 3 scans had shown no activity in my tumour. During the chemo I was hospitalised 5 times with neutropenic sepsis and for most of the time I would have one good week in three. My kidneys were affected by the chemo.  I’m really not complaining, just setting the scene! Since July I have been feeling really well, then I had a CT scan last week which showed the tumour has started to grow so I will be starting immunotherapy next week.

I know most of you have been through worse than this and I know I have to just get on with it but I don’t know how.  Can anyone tell me how to motivate myself to get on with it? I will go to appointments and do what I’m told but I have difficulty just getting up in the morning, I don’t want to go for a walk and I don’t want to cook or clean. I don’t even want to see my friends! I need to get work done in the house but I don’t have enough interest or energy to organise it. If left to myself I would just stay in bed and hide.

I’m sorry this is such a miserable post for a Sunday afternoon so thank you if you read this far and any suggestions would be much appreciated.

  • Dear Patmart

    Welcome to the Incurables!!!! (Although if any of us had any sense at all, we'd join a golf club or something...).

    This little club that no-one wants to be a member of, is replete with many, many marvellous souls with immense experience in how to deal with issues or who to speak with etc... But mostly we are all here for gentle support and encouragement from each other to get on and LIVE with cancer even though many/most/all of us are dying of it.

    And that is my point (Aha!!! Finally he gets there...), all of the things you mention above really need to get done and they will probably only get done if YOU do them...

    So, make a list, prioritise the things that need doing soonest.

    Then make another list of all the things you would be doing or people you would be seeing if you DIDN'T have cancer and put them in order of preference.

    Now once you've completed all of that, go out and buy yourself a big tub of Ben&Jerries (well, I would...) - go home, eat the ice cream and then get on with fulfilling ALL of the elements on your list & check back here often for other pearls of wisdom from your fellow incorrigibles!!!!

    Get busy LIVING and the dying will take care of itself!!!

    Stay Strong (& active...)

    SiT

    Stay Strong

    SiT

  • Brilliantly put sit!!!!!!!! 

    Flippen
  • Hi ,

    Welcome to the group from me as well.  Much as I loved SiT's response I would like to suggest that there are alternative approaches.  A cancer diagnosis is a huge think to occur to anyone and when it happens we all go through a grieving process for the life that we thought we were going to have but has now suddenly changed.  The fact that your first treatment has not worked will certainly knock you back again.  For a lot of people this tips over into depression and it becomes really difficult to motivate yourself to do anything.  Eventually you will be able to see that their are still positives available to you and you can have a life that you enjoy and get pleasure from, it does take a bit of adjusting though.

    Have you tried talking to your GP and seeing if they can do anything to assist you.  Lots of members here have struggled especially initially and have found that a prescription from their GP can help them get through the grieving process.  Alternatively they might suggest a talking treatment via a counsellor.  At the moment the initial contact with your GP would probably be via the telephone so would be relatively simple to achieve.

    If you do not want to talk to your GP then I would suggest that you contact the Macmillan helpline on 0800 808 00 00 and explain to them how you are feeling and they will do all they can to assist you.  They can also help you in lots of other areas including practical ones but that is for a later date.

    It sounds as if you are trying to get through this on your own which is always hard.  I know it is difficult with the current restrictions but could you contact anyone to talk to and see if they are able to offer you any support.  Often when we are diagnosed lots of people tell us to let them know if there is anything they can do?  Not everyone delivers on these offers but perhaps it is time to try contacting a few to see if they can help.  This could be as simple as meeting up for a cuppa or a walk in the park, it is usually easier if you have someone to share your worries with but also so you can be distracted from thinking about them for a while by talking to someone about what they are up to.

    Writing a list and setting targets can be useful but if this is depression you will probably find that these need to be small and very gentle to start with.  I used to suggest that people started by setting their alarm and making sure that they were up by a certain time.  It doesn't have to be really early but just to make sure you are not staying in bed all day,  Once you have this as a routine make sure that you are washed and dressed within an hour of getting up.  Then you can look at making sure you get out of the house by a certain time, perhaps just for a walk or maybe to get a paper from the local shop.  Keep on adding in tasks as you feel able but try to make sure you add in things that you used to enjoy doing.  I saw that you said you had to retire, perhaps when you feel able you could meet up with a friend from work for lunch, even if it is just a sandwich sitting in a park.

    Lots of people refer to people with cancer as battling the disease, I don't battle cancer as the medication does that.  What I do is battle the side effects and I sometimes battle the life I am left with and my attitude to it.  Again we are often referred to as brave but are you being brave if you are just doing what you have to do to get by?  It is difficult to deal with these changes and different people have found different ways to do this.  You will find a lot of members who have re-evaluated their standards of cleanliness and do not now consider their house to be dusty unless you can write your name in it.  We all do what we have to do to get through this disease as well as we can.

    Please let us know how you get on and if you want to ask anything else please feel free to post again.

    All the best,

    Gragon x

  • I hope you don’t mind me butting in Gragon  but I just wanted to say what a lovely, encouraging post you have written to Patmart.
    I have been feeling like Patmart recently and had a meltdown on Friday, my first since my diagnosis, at work of all places. I suddenly felt very overwhelmed after making a mistake. I’m normally quite methodical & check & re-check what I’m doing but I’m finding it difficult to stay completely focused on tasks.  I’ve got family around me but don’t tell them or anyone my deepest thoughts as I don’t really want to accept it or think about what the future holds. 
    I thought I was handling it pretty well but the anxiety seems to have kicked in. If  I didn’t work I’d probably feel worse but at the same time I feel under pressure when I’m there worried I’m not doing my job as well as I should. Perhaps antidepressants might be the answer.

    Apologies for the long post but it feels good  to spit it out to people who perhaps have gone through this and have got through it!

    Wishing you all the best,

    little-fi

  • , hi and welcome ...

    Well i have been there and i think most of us have, and then i did make that decision to live with cancer and not let the cancer take over. See i was told only 10-12 months...that was now five years ago. So if i would have given up mentally i would have wasted all that time. I was thinking ..well let's life now!! So we bought a house and moved 1600 kms..and i think staying positive helps. As others said, if you cannot do it alone ask for help!!! I was doing so good on immuno therapy for now 4 years, well now i got swollen lymph nodes again and got to see doc tomorrow, it's not a happy time right now, but i just go on with it and hopefully there is always something we can try again.

  • Sage advice indeed from Gragon... (very, VERY well put!) and upon reflection, I am going to have to admit that not everything can be made better with ice cream. 

    I am in the window for my six month from diagnosis scans (CT last Monday & MRI this afternoon) and the past two weeks have unusually, given my default happy-go-lucky disposition, found me becoming increasingly stressed about potential results until I finally had a strong word or two with myself last week.

    I had to remind myself that everything that can be done by the oncs is already being done and that I have precious little influence over my tumours - they will do whatever they will do...

    Which made it much easier to remember that I am already doing everything I can (regular exercise, Positive mental attitude & a good diet - if you don't count the Ben&Jerries) and that I can only wait for the results, not influence them.

    Once I have the results, good bad or indifferent, THEN we can make a plan. An enormous, self imposed weight was IMMEDIATELY lifted and I go into the MRI relaxed knowing that "it is what it is"...

    And of course, plenty of time for guilt-free ice cream! (sorry... couldn't resist which is at the root of ALL my B&J's issues!!!).

    Please let us know how you get on...

    Big Hugs to all...

    Stay Strong

    SiT

    Stay Strong

    SiT

  • Thank you everyone for your replies. I hope you realise how much you have lifted my spirits.

    SiT you made me laugh and reminded me of what I already knew - much can be accomplished with ice cream! Although hot tea and malteasers are my go to remedy.

    I forgot to mention that this is not my first set back, I had surgery first (how could I forget that) but it was not successful because the tumour is on the chest wall as opposed to actually in the lung. I’m not actually going through this on my own but my husband has COPD and my son is 19 (enough said).  I have lovely family and friends but have never talked about how i feel and even though I have said that I’m an incurable they keep saying they know I will beat this. Yeah!

    Gragon you have given me some really good suggestions and made me realise that I can’t battle the disease but can try to deal with it.

    I am going to take bits and pieces from all of you so thank you everyone. 

    i hope everyone waiting for scans and results does well.

    Patmart

  • Hi patmart that's what we are here for so pleased we have lifted your spirits glad sit made you laugh has a brill sense of humor check out the itch posts you will see what I mean you can talk how you feel on here anytime and although I see you have family sometimes you cannot talk to them how you actually feel but on here you can and you always get a response day or night which is important we are always here when you need us xxx

    Flippen
  • Hello Pet1968,

    How did your appointment go today?

    liitle-fi

  • Hi , Thanks for asking, i will have a head to toe ct next week and see the doc the week after...so wait and see. Pet