nothing to look forward to

Hi everybody I know I am sometimes not on here for a few days as I don't like to moan too much as we are all in a similar situation does anybody feel like everyday is groundhog day get up eat sleep watch TV bloods chemo day in day out week in week out then feel guilty for not been positive please tell me am not the only one feeling like  this x

  • Hi Charlotte you are not the only one.I was diagnosed in May 2019 since August 2019 i Iam on weekly chemo.And since August 2019 I was off sick from work.I am only 42 and I cant even retire.Basically my day was getting up,sitting on the sofa watching TV all day,went for a walk every other day and then sitting on the sofa again.Then blood tests and chemo.So no life at all only hospital visits.I got so mentally bad had antidepressants prescribed.But last month I spoke to my boss and I have returned back to work 2 weeks ago.I am feeling bit normal again.Mondays and Wednesdays I am at work,Thursday's blood and Fridays chemo.

    I must admit when i finish at work at 4 pm,I am tired but I am happily tired and my week and time goes faster.I always used to be active and I prefer it that way.My onco wasnt impressed me to returning to work but my onco is rubbish anyway.My GP said its fine and does good for my mental health.And she was right at work i have my friends I can talk to and have laugh and keep my mind busy and not keep thinking about cancer.

    You dont have to feel guilty for not beeing positive,cancer sucks.

    Janet

  • Am sorry your on hear but it really helps hearing people's stories yours is similar to mine am only 45 well 46 in August I actually went back to work just before lockdown only did 2 weeks then was sent home to self isolate it felt great seeing friends etc like you said but was told in May to have another 12 weeks off I was on a break from chemo when I went bk to work but hearing you are back gives me a bit of hope that I may be able to go back too even when am having chemo am on antidepressant too went on them last year before I was diagnosed because I was so depressed of been poorly my onco is rubbish too told me I could have surgery in February then 3 weeks later gold me my cancer is terminal I hate him for giving me false hope and hate my app with him x

  • Hi Charlotte,

    You are definitely not the only one feeling like this. i have only just started chemo for a recurrence, but have been to the hospital so much this year,Ct scans, colonoscopy, 2 biopsys, blood tests X-rays, fluid drained from lungs last week before chemo,& I feel like I am on a treadmill. This is all very wearing especially throughout this covid business. I find even though you speak to family and friends on the phone it really is not like seeing them face to face. 

    It is extremely hard to stay positive, but I suppose eventually we will all get there in the end.

    Take care,xx

  • I will admit that I have not felt positive for most of the past three months, and I think it's understandable that people are finding this time completely demoralising. Visiting places was one of my pleasures and not being able to go anywhere has been Xxxxx. It's ok to be fed up, cry, be angry. Usually those feelings do subside don't they? I hope we can each find a new way to cope, enjoy ourselves, feel content.

    Take care friends

    Xx

  • Sometimes you feel so well people find it hard when they no you have cancer and say ooh you look so well so you smile through gritted teeth and say thanks i dont miss that been in lock down but do miss family my mum n dad my mum has dementia and I have not seen her since lock down but like you said sure it will all get there in the end keep us posted to how you are doing x

  • You are in a battle, a trauma. Life is in Limbo, so it's normal and yes, you are allowed and should take things 'easy', we know living with Cancer is never smooth sailing, far from it. Also, allow others to pamper, don't be some heroic soldier and not accept any offers. Whatever can help in any small way just to relax and get a little more energy, don't see it as a slack, you have JUST ONE JOB TO DO AND THAT IS TO GET BETTER. Have this in mind all the time and feel good about yourself, you deserve it. Your job is a full time job, focus squarely on improving your quality of life. YOU WILL TO THE BEST PLACE.

  • Only just read  recently not posted. 

       My secondary cancer from breast to lungs is growing every scan i have. Most of the chemotherapy i have had didn't work, the E/C in February knocked me very badly, i have one choice Eribulen .  My only choice do i go for Quality for a few months or get a bit longer possibly feeling ill and in hospital.        Another problem is the Lock Down my son or  any family can't come to see me. I try to be positive when on the phone, its been  a hard few months. Thank goodness for friends , also being able to come on here and put it on paper , it gives my head a rest. C J     X X 

  • I'm so horribly sorry to learn of your plight. I can't imagine the pain, emotionally and the impossible challenge you are faced with. I want you to know, always strive for recovery, you can never know the power of fighting the Cancer, let it not win. We are thankfully learning more on treatments and I hope you will get the best treatment and keep up with your fire determination. It's lonely and foreboding but I wish you the very best. 

  • I am so sorry to hear your story i was always positive when I first got told I had cancer and was sure feeling like that would help me fight it but of course it does not work like that its so hard when they tell you there's nothing else they can do i really do hope they find a treatment to give you more precious time so hopefully you will get to spend some time with your son best wishes keep us posted x

  • Thank you for your reply , you have major problems as well . I am getting old but still wish for more time.  I hope you keep strong and carry on fighting.  

    C J          x x