Living with incurable cancer - incurable patients only

This group is specifically for people with an incurable or terminal diagnosis. Whether you need to talk about dying, or about making the most of your life, you can discuss your feelings openly here.

Back in the land of the living

Maz59
Posted by

Hi folks I seem to have lost 2 days whilst in hospital. 

Things went a bit awry before coming in for my masectomy with the surgeon and the oncologist not clear what was happening and emails going back and forth so of course I was left in limbo. At one stage I it got really heated. 

Whether rightly or wrongly I ended up with masectomy and node clearance. Oncologist had said node clearance was not needed as the cancer is already so widely spread but surgeon said oncologist was cherry picking. 

Unfortunately even though I did as I was told and not only gave verbal information but also wrote down the things I am allergic or hypersensitive to I was still given Morphine and Fentinol, hence the 2 day delay in being with it. I have been in and out of consciousness and seen so many wild and wonderful creatures accompanied by sickness, high temps and rashes. The good news is I don't think I was in any pain. Looks like I will get home tomorrow so long as I can come off fluid drip today. 

Got some recovering to do before I can get back on any meds and I am aware this was to alieviate symptoms and hopefully slow down growth it will not be a cure but you take what you can where you can. 

I have had a quick catch up on posts today and TV man your home sounds amazing. I loved hearing about the trees and how your daughter still checks it out when she comes home. 

Glad Scotland was good Danioli

My daughter and family are in Scarborough this week it is not the best weather but they have sent me a photo today of them on the open top bus. 

Hope others are comfortable and as pain free as possible today. 

Maz 59 

tvman
Posted by

Hi Maz

Wow, you have had a bit of a tough time, hope you have a speedy recovery from the mastectomy, physical and mental. Happy to hear that you don't think you were in pain.

Thanks for the compliments about the house and garden . I am making a strong effort to make my surroundings bright and enjoyable because I don't get about much. I have another tree, a variegated Maple down the side of the road that is my daughter's also. When she was young, I had shouted at her about something and then you know when you think afterwards, did I really have to do that? So I was at the garden centre and bought some items, one of which was the tree and it looked lovely. I asked her to help me plant it, which she did, and then I said I was going to look after it for her for ever. What a smile she had. She sees it every time she comes home which makes me feel warm.  

You have a very philosophical view about the results of your operation and I hope you're back on your feet in no time.

Tvman xx

My philosophy is simple, love life and family.
Wee blonde
Posted by

Hi Maz

Glad 2 hear u have resurfaced 2 planet earth. Hope things go a bit smoother from this moment on.

Fingers crossed u r home 2 ur own bed soon 2 - nothing beats the peace & quiet plus comforts of home.

Take care

WB xx

Wee blonde

Hard working,  bubbly, positive

Maz59
Posted by

Thanks WB things went a bit off course again yesterday blood pressure problems and blacking out. Managed to get home though. 

Hopefully a better day today definitely slept better. 

It is another one of those times when you feel it is worse for those looking after you. My daughter and friends are away this week so my husband is Manning the fort. It's hard when they put in so much effort but you still throw up, pass out and just can't rally. 

A district nurse should show up some time today but the person who rang yesterday to say no one would arrive  was not sure it would happen today either. One thing is you can't go far when you are full of drains so I guess they can bank on you being there when or if they arrive. 

Got a beautiful bouquet yesterday from my husband's work so nice of them. Also had lots of phone calls from friends and family so I know I am very lucky. 

My heart goes out to those who don't have a good support system and those caring for others whilst trying to get through their own illness. 

Love 

Maz 59 

daloni
Posted by

Hi Maz

phew! That all sounds ghastly and i am amazed at how you seem to take it all in your stride. I do hope you get the district nursing help you need to get rid of those drains and get back in your feet soon. 

I’m going to sign off now. It’s late and I’ve had a busy day being looked after by my family. We are all in Slovenia on holiday - ten of us in a chalet in the Julian Alps. It’s beautiful here. We had breakfast on the terrace with a view of the mountains this morning.  I’ll post some pics when my eyes can stay open. I’m going to sleep with a smile on my face, thinking about your tree tvman

Night night 

Xxx

Maz59
Posted by

Sounds like you're having a great time especially sharing with your loved ones. 

District nurse all set up now but drains not ready to come out yet unfortunately but hopefully tomorrow. My husband thinks it might have something to do with me cleaning the bathroom and then deciding to sort out a few things in the garden. I admit that was going too far and have apologised. Today we watched a DVD and I have done very little else. Long suffering husband much happier that I am behaving myself gives him a good excuse to relax also. 

I love the idea of planting a tree like TV man did with his child, as even if you move on the tree is more likely still going to be there in the future. I don't think planting a tree is very practical in my situation but it has got me thinking about what I could do so the children and grandchildren have something to focus memories on. 

Everyone has been so kind and I am very grateful for everything but I do miss my younger sister who fell out with me about 2 months ago for goodness knows what. She can be very difficult to the point where many of the family avoid her but we have always been close and always there for each other. I have tried apologising for whatever I am supposed to have done but she has cut me off. Seems petty I know but at times like this you don't want bad feeling. I keep getting upset that it will get too late and how upsetting it will be if she will not attend my funeral. 

I know I have to get a grip and I am probably being irrational because of my health but it does get to me and I keep getting emotional. 

However hard we try there are always things we cannot change in life. You think as cancer patients we would have realised that long ago but I guess we just can't stop trying. 

Love to all 

Maz 59 

daloni
Posted by

Hi

You sound as bad as me for overdoing it :-) I try to say “thanks for looking after me” rather than “sorry I overdid it”. It feels more positive somehow. 

I am sorry to hear that the  rift with your sister continues. I recall you mentioning it before. I do hope you can find a way to mend it. 

Lots of love xxx