Sad today

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I was supposed to recieve my last scheduled chemotherapy today, but I'm neutropenic and so have been delayed. Last time I was delayed and enjoyed the break but this time it has really knocked me for six. My chemotherapy is palliative, so just intended to give me more time, and so far I have had very little pain. So I know I am lucky, but I feel so sad today, not sure how to deal with it.

I read so many posts on here with so many of you dealing with much more than I am having to so far with so much fortitude. I am glad to be able to be a part of this group. 

  • Hi @ Salis,

    Sorry you are feeling low about chemo delay. I honestly doubt that delay will make a massive difference to the benefits you will have from chemo when they can do it ( how mad is it really that we can look forward to chemo - the non cancer world would think we are mad).

    In terms of feeling sad, I think sometimes we have to accept that is how we feel, and sometimes having a good wallow is what is needed. Personally I like sad music when I feel blue - Leonard Cohen is a favorite. Then I feel better having had his lyrics emote for me.But you know you best, so whatever works for you, and you know you will feel better at some point.

    xx

  • Hi Salis,

    I woke up feeling inexplicably low today. Didn't have a great night but that's nothing unusual.

    I thought that maybe it was the weather. The feeling of the warm, longer days with nothing much on the agenda, was one I hadn't felt since I was a kid on the long school summer holidays. It was strange and it put me out of time and place.

    Anyway, I think that our unusual circumstances can allow these feelings to creep up and surprise us. Just go with the flow I reckon.

    Stuart x 

  • Thanks ownedbystaffies,

    I do periodically wallow. I was going to say that my favourite Leonard Cohen song is perfect day, but that's Lou Reed isn't it!  I have a book of poems by Leonard Cohen, I've never really got into it.

    I was surprised how much it upset me today, especially as it means that I should be feeling more with it on Sunday when two of my children are visiting for a lunchtime bbq.

    You are right looking forward to chemo is pretty mad, but I feel better having said something and having a response from you so thank you again, i hope you have a lovely Easter weekend.

    Best wishes 

    Sarah 

  • Thanks Stuart,

    Just posting and getting your response has helped.

    I usually feel better when it is sunny, but your association with long summer holidays resonates, hopefully as the weather warms covid will retreat and we will be able to do more with friends and family. 

    Best wishes 

    Sarah 

  • I get low days for no reason other than the overall situation I am in.  It’s ok to not be ok. Just look after yourself on those low days, some times I end up listening to sad songs and crying then once it’s all out I feel better


    Richard

    be safe, be nice, be you 

  • Thanks Richard,

    Sharing my feeling here has really helped. Maybe i was just due a day of feeling low and this gave me an excuse to cry. 

    Sarah 

  • We all need one of them once in a while, at least I know I do.


    Richard

    be safe, be nice, be you 

  • I think there would be more to worry about if we didn’t have our down days, this is very, very hard. I’ve put great store by results that didn’t turn up, tests that were missed by accident, you name it, there’s such a lot riding on these things for us. But not as much as we think. I agree that a delay is unlikely to change things but you’re invested in it, you can’t be half hearted about any of this. We all love this time of year but there’s a sadness when the future you were expecting is taken away & it feels precarious. I would be sad too and there’s no pecking order in what any of us are dealing with it’s intensely personal. I agree that it’s ok to feel sad & to allow it, as long as it doesn’t linger & drag you down. Back to 9* tomorrow after 20* today, a bit of a reality check! Not a LC fan sorry,what’s your pick me up or happy song? xx

    Tinalay 
    Every bad situation is a blues song waiting to happen.
    Amy Winehouse.
  • I do like perfect day, especially the children in need version with lots of different singers, I like thank you for the days by the kinks as well. But when I need cheering up I usually turn to Queen, I want to break free.

    Cold weather in time for Easter, but hopefully happy times with my girls and their partners in the garden. Seeingmy son and his wife in a couple of weeks too. 

    Thanks for your kind words Tinalay, and congratulations on your fantastic memory walk achievement again x

    Sarah 

  • It will all come good Sal, when you get to see the family this setback will be pushed out of the way. We are all thinking of you. Xx