General cancer discussions

If you’d like to talk about something that isn’t covered in our other groups, come here to start a discussion or to see other conversations. Other people may be hoping to talk about the same thing.

How do you deal with future worries

Cream legbar
Posted by

Hi,

My wife in 2017 was diagnosed with CNS lymphoma, had matrix chemo followed by a stem cell transplant, and was doing well and we were rebuilding our life again. April 2019 bang, she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer now thankfully after chemo, 2 operations and radiotherapy hopefully all ok and we can start rebuilding our life back again.

She has been immensely strong and determined throughput our journey,a real roller coaster of emotions but has panics whenever she feels a twinge or ache. I imagine this is not unusual for anyone that has experienced a cancer, the worry of another attack must be so stressful. What is the best way to deal with these emotions. We both throw ourselves into our interests but the worry is never far away?

I wish to thank all the contributors to the forums for all the moral support the threads have provided us over our journey as being very private people we can only really support each other and find it very difficult to talk to others.

many thanks

greg777
Posted by

Hi Cream legbar,

My, you have been through a lot in such a short space of time, it is no wonder that you are struggling to return to some form of normality. The best answer I can give you is time. From my own experience, I lost complete confidence in my body and so for a period of time, every twinge was going to be terrible news. I go by the 99% rule, that 99% of every twinge, illness, ache, is nothing to worry about. But because as cancer patients we have experienced the 1%, we lost confidence that the other 99% are nothing to worry about. Time is the best way to overcome that as you build up the confidence banks again to know that not every bump is a terrible event. Given your wife has had two bumps that turned out to be terrible things, I would imagine she is doubly lacking in confidence. I think during this period all you can do is be kind to yourself, acknowledge that these are natural emotions and have trust that things will get better with time. Distractions are definitely good things so I would continue that, and talking about each other emotions is also good so you can at least learn how each other is feeling.

I am really hoping this helps in some small way, and I’m really hoping that you get a good long period of good health now, you definitely deserve it.

Greg

Cream legbar
Posted by

Thanks for that. Hopefully time will mend. You feel so helpless at times, you wish you could make it all go away and everything alright again. Thanks again and best wishes 

greg777
Posted by

Hi Cream Legbar,

I would imagine from the outside it must be incredibly hard. As the patient, you are consumed by it, so to be watching from the outside must be really hard. I definitely understand the desire to go back to how things were. That might take a long time and it’s possible you might never get there. But one thing I do know though is that it won’t be like it is now forever. Sometimes all you can do is cling on. You might not notice it day to day, but over a period of weeks, months, years, you can definitely look back and see how far you’ve come.

I’m really hoping this happens for you and your wife sooner rather than later.

Greg