How do you cope!!

So....having thought I’d got through primary breast cancer and lung cancer in 2018.....I’m now faced with an MRI on Saturday to determine if I have a brain tumour!!!

I can’t do this!!!

My family don’t know what’s going on....who do I tell? Is it meant  
to be a secret PensiveCry

Confused and broken!!

  • Dear olibobs, I have read your profile and can see you have been through an enormous amount recently and now you are potentially facing a new challenge. How do you cope ? Well I cope with my own situation by literally taking one day at a time and one problem at a time. It’s so tempting to let your mind fast forward to the worst case scenario but until you get to an obstacle you can’t get round it’s important to retain a degree of optimism. The one thing I’ve come to except is that cancer of any kind is random and unpredictable and that no matter how much time I spend wishing it would go away ultimately it’s down to the effectiveness of my treatment which is out of my hands entirely. You ask who do you tell ? Well if the mri confirms the suspicion of a brain tumour it’s important that you absorb the implications of the diagnosis first and then tell the people who can be helpful to you whether it’s on a practical level or can provide you with emotional support, other than that I don’t tell anyone as I have learnt that many people have more difficulty dealing with the thought of cancer than I do in actually having it. I have felt like you in the past when faced with bad news but despite thinking “I can’t do this“ have rallied and ploughed on and I’m sure you will be able to do the same given time. None of this stuff is easy so don’t be hard on yourself that you are feeling this way, I have received some amazing support in the forum groups I’m a member of that have sustained me in times of crisis and I’m sure you will receive the same. Please let us know the results of your mri and we will be here to support you through what ever happens next .

    best wishes


  • Hi Olibobs,

    You are really going through it - down, then up and now another thing thrown at you in much too short a time span. I wonder why you have tried to keep it to yourself - you dont say anything about your home situation in your profile, but maybe there are people you should tell, and others who you wish to protect for now. You deserve and need support, and although this forum is a good place, it is the people around us, who will be supportive, that we need to be there. The feeling that this is a secret and must be kept, is going to be draining and an unnecessary burden for one person. I really hope you have supportive friends and relatives who you can tell so they can bear it with you, whatever the outcome.

    Wishing you all the best for tomorrow and that, whatever the news is, you will find a way to do it. We are capable of more than we think.

  • Thank you both. I really appreciate your reply’s. I didn’t feel so alone knowing there was someone there reading my message.

    I haven’t told my husband the full details, I’ve said it’s all routine. He went through so much in 2018 with my breast and lung cancer, I will spare him the worry when I can.

    I went this morning for the mri, they did 2 with contrast as this had been requested.

    What’s worrying me though is that they said I had to wait with them until a doctor had reviewed the scans to let me know if I could go home or not. I was allowed to go eventually without seeing anyone else. Is that normal?  

    The neurologist I saw on Thursday said he wasn’t working the weekend but would see if the scans were ready to review on Monday.

    Im back home and about to do a few happy things to keep my mind off everything. 

    Thanks again xx

  • Hi Olibobs,

    Glad you feel a bit supported here. Re being told to wait while they checked the MRIs, I guess it is the same as when you have a mammogam - they need to check the " pictures" are clear in case they need to do them again, so I dont think it would be anything to worry about. Hope the neurologist is able to review them for you asap. You are very compassionate to be thinking of your husband and what he went through with you in 2018. But dont forget you did too ! Enjoy your happy activities for today.

  • Dear olibobs, glad my musings were of some use to you. It’s good to hear you’ve had your tests but I know it’s stressful waiting for definitive results. Try to enjoy your weekend and update us when you know more.

    best wishes


  • No news as yet.

    I received the copy of the letter sent by the neurologist to my GP today. He mentions mild tandem gate ataxia and also that his priority is to exclude a space occupying lesion when he sees the MRI scan.

    I can only wait.

  • Still no news and to make everything completely unbearable my beautiful big bear, my 10 and a half year old golden retriever went over the rainbow bridge on Thursday.  He had kidney cancer that had spread to his real symptoms until 2 days before we had to say goodbye to him.

    I’m completely and utterly broken.

    Cancer is the utter pits of the earth CryCry

  • Dear olibobs, I’m so sorry to hear of the passing of your beautiful dog and I’m sure one of your best friends, I’ve been through it 3 times myself and it never gets any easier. It’s good to hear he didn’t suffer too much and I hope that is some small comfort to you. It will be an emotional time for you so try to take time out to grieve your loss, there is no such thing as just a dog, he was part of the family.

    best wishes


  • Dear olibobs,

    Just to echo Johnty's commiserations for both the lack of news and the death of your beloved dog. I had to take my oldest staffie to the vet about 4 weeks ago as he had become miserable and was clearly suffering. It is hard, but I believe we make the right decisions for them and my old mate went happily eating bits of chicken while the drugs took effect. At least dogs dont have to spend time considering the future, they live in the moment, unlike us. Really hope you get some news and information soon, and that you comfort yourself while you grieve for your companion with the knowledge that you did the best for him and gave him a good life over however many years.