my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Hi Susan,

I hope you are ok.  Yes, I’m ok now thanks, just a down day on Monday, but back on track again. You're so right about men finding it difficult to talk, my brother is so sensitive bless him, he doesn’t handle things very well.  I remember when Dad went, he was trying to be a husband for my Mum and a father to me, he seemed to be forever going from mums house to my house, always racing about like a mad man!

Not sure when the interviews for the job are, there was no closing date on the advert, I know it sounds bad, but I’m not really bothered if I don’t get an interview.  I think I just apply for jobs so it looks good to my husband, almost as if I’m really trying to move on and make some sort of contribution to the bills, when in fact I’d be quite happy never to go back to work and just tiddle about in the garden.  (don’t I sound a right lazy so and so?)  I had 3 interviews come up last year, but cancelled them all, excuse?….  Trying to sort mums house out and ours, and just didn’t feel like going!  Yes I could pretend to be a WAG (what's a WAG?).  Susan, I agree with Karen, you would make a great counsellor,  thanks for being here for everyone, you always say the right things.

Oh yes, its February today isn’t it.  Lets look at the calendar. 

ALWAYS THERE

You were always there for me,

Nomatter what I did or said,

You were there.

You let me walk my own path,

Nomatter what troubles lay ahead,

But always you were there.

When my future was unclear

And tears filled my eyes,

You put your arms around me

And shared my pain,

Because you were always there.

“A Mother’s love in February – can bring a newfound hope to face a future joyfully knowing you can cope”.

Take care Susan, love to you and your family, jayne xxx

Hi Karen,

How are you?  Well done with the WW, at least you haven’t put any on, which is a great achievement.  I have wanted to go to our local spiritualist church since Dad passed, but Mum would never come with me.  I mentioned about going to my husband the other night, and he said “when were you thinking of going then”, he didn’t say he would come with me, so I haven’t pushed it since.  Please tell me about the message from your Mum and Dad, I would love to hear about it.  We’re booked to see Colin Fry on Sunday 27^th May at Milton Keynes, I cant wait.  I tell you Karen, that is a definite omen about 17^th  October, you have to ask your Dad before you go to come through to you, he will be listening and he will try his best to get through to you. 

I would also like to thank you so much for starting this post, we probably wouldn’t all be here if it wasn’t for you, thanks.  Love to you and your family, jayne xxx

Hi Amanda,

Yes thanks, we had a nice meal, but after we had finished, my husband mentioned that the last time we were there was when Mum was with us.  Then I started crying again, went to the loo to compose myself, when I got back my husband said shall we go now.  So I think I spoilt the evening, we were only out from 5 to 7, so not really a whole evening out.  Still at least we got back in time to see Colin Fry!!  The place is called the Spencer Arms, its part of the Earl Spencer estate, we live about 10 – 15 minutes from Althorp House, where Princess Dianna grew up (and was buried).  It’s a lovely part of the countryside.  In fact there is a walk for Macmillan starting at Althorp in May, must have a look at the details, get my walking boots out.

Its good that you will still see your Dad a lot.  What an awful time for you this time last year, isn’t it really horrible when you look back and keep thinking ‘this time last year……’  My Mum kept a diary, so I read it everyday to see what she was thinking and doing, it makes me cry so much, but on occasions it makes me laugh because my Mum was not the best of spellers and some of things I read are so funny, so she still makes me laugh even now, very comforting.  Thanks Mum.

Its so sad that your Mum didn’t get out to Spain to see the house finished in person, but she has been watching what's going on and knows its finished.  She will always be there whenever you all go.  And you have so many special memories of your Mum and the family being there.  Memories are lovely aren’t they, it’s a bit like a tape recorder, we can just wind back and look whenever we want to, press pause when we get to a good bit, then if we get to a bad bit, we can fast forward it till we get to another good bit.  Mad I know, but it helps me get through some days.  Love to you and your family, jayne xxx

Well now, about the spiritual side of things, I think some of you may wish you’d never asked and also that I’m crazy.  I’ll explain about what happened with my Dad first.  You may think it was nothing, but Louise, you will understand what I meant when I said your dream wasn’t a dream.  Its one of the ways our loved ones can communicate with us.  It was about 2 months after Dad had passed, I was living on my own at the time and had gone to bed.  I was just laying there, awake but with my eyes shut and was hurting so much thinking about my Dad.  When all of a sudden I felt my right cheek being kissed.  It was so plain.  As you can imagine, I was really scared, I put my hand to my cheek, sat bolt upright and turned the light on with my other hand.  I don’t know who on earth I was expecting to see, because if it had been an intruder, they would hardly have just come in to kiss me would they??!!  After I had checked all around the flat I went back to bed.  I laid for quite a while, then thought well if it is Dad, maybe he really can see and hear me.  So I said out loud “Dad if that’s you, please let me know you're ok and where you are”.  Nothing happened and I fell asleep.  But my Dad came through to me and took me to where he was.  It was the most beautiful place I have ever seen.  There were mountains, a clear stream running and the grass was so green.  Dad had his video camera slung over his right shoulder (he never went anywhere without it!).  He looked so well and handsome.  The people there were so happy, everyone was smiling and there were children playing and laughing.  He told me that he loved it there, he was sorry he had to leave us all and he would be there waiting for us when our time was finished on earth.  He then said that he would show me where you can get the best cherry pies you will ever taste.  (I know you're all laughing at this, but my Mum made the most fantastic pastry and her cherry pies were something else.  Dad always said that no one would ever make one better, not in this lifetime anyway).  There is no way he would have said that they were better than mums if he hadn’t really have been there.  He said I couldn’t stay with him because it wasn’t time and the next thing I know, I was awake.  But when I woke up I felt, well how can I describe it.  It was like an overwhelming calmness, a feeling of complete and utter peace.  Something I had never felt before and never have since.  I truly believe that he came to me to reassure us that he was ok.  I know all this sounds absolutely mad but I was taken somewhere that night that is as fresh in my memory now as if it had happened yesterday. 

I’ve just sat and read through this, and it must sound so daft, but it happened, was thinking about not posting it, but oh well, here goes.