Coping with my mums cancer

Hi Bex23 

I’m so very sorry to hear this. My situation is not the same as yours but similar in the sense that my mums cancer is also not curable but treatable. I don’t have siblings that I’m responsible for so I can only imagine how scared & worried you are.  Do you have family to support you? I do hope so xxx

Hi Bex sorry to hear about your situation it sounds like a very difficult time and stressful. My situation is similar in a way as my mum has cancer which is treatable not curable which has spread to her liver and lymph nodes. However we are grown up children and she doesn’t have dependents. 

I worry about my mum all the time and it’s difficult seeing her struggle with the treatments. I speak to family about it and friends which have been in a similar situation. Spend time with your mum speak to her about things and discuss concerns I feel that helps. There is no doubt that it’s a hard and challenging…just hang in there and take it one day at a time. Al

Thank you for replying guys, I'm.just so scared and helpless with everything,, mum has now pain in her side which isn't going away, I think it's spread and I thought we would have some time to do something like a holiday but now I'm ill myself with a damaged cartalige in my knee.

It's never ending with bad news, I  wake up everyday feeling low and tired, I just can't ses any good days x

I am so sorry you are all going through this. My mum is my rock and whenever I imagine life without her I can’t quite describe the pain that fills me physically and emotionally. Just under two weeks ago, my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer. I am 25, but act and feel a lot younger. My mum is older than most of my peers’ parents, as she had me late. It has been my biggest fear my whole life of losing her but I thought because I’d always worried about it, it couldn’t possibly happen, not when I haven’t yet settled down or moved out of home and especially because she’s already had cancer before I was born. My mum supports me a lot emotionally but also with daily tasks and I feel so much guilt that I’ve caused her such stress that has lead to this. My mums cancer is also not curable, in fact we don’t appear to have been given the whole picture from the beginning by the consultants / doctors and we don’t understand why. Sometimes I feel like it’s all a bad dream and I’m going to wake up and it won’t be real. Other times it feels so real I’ve already skipped ahead to the worst outcome and my worst fear. We are awaiting a surgery date to remove one of the nodules (the others will be monitored) but we won’t know if it’s in the lymph nodes until they send them to the lab after the surgery. If it is in them, due to the type of lung cancer she has, the prognosis is horrific. The fear and sadness is unbearable. I don’t even want my life to go on without my mum, I don’t want to live it out without being able to share it with my best friend. It is just me and her, I don’t have any siblings or close family. I’m so sorry I don’t have advice for you and sorry I’ve just vented, but hope it makes you feel maybe less alone in your fears and pain x

Hey Seahorse, firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, it's a such a horrfic disease to have to go through and try to understand, especially when you don't quite understand what you are going through.

I can completely understand about how you feel and I cannot see a life without my mum , she is my rock and I  tell her everything as I suppose you do.

I wake up every day and think it's a bad dream but it isn't and think how the hell.im going to cope and get through the day.

Make sure you keep in touch on here and talk about how you feel and that goes for everyone in this group.

I'm sorry that I haven't got back to all replies , it's trying to keep my life together and look after myself aswell as my brother xxx

I know where you are both coming from I’m in a very similar position with my mum it’s very difficult. What I would say is keep strong for you mums at this stage. So the practical things that you can to help you and your mum as much as you can including going to their appointments with them. Speak to Macmillan. Do all the shopping cooking, household and financial stuff. Anything to take the stress away. Keep them company and talk about things. It’s difficult for us but it’s also very very difficult and depressing for them, I’ve tried to put myself in my mums position. My friend who sadly lost his freind to cancer said to my listen, just make every moment with your mum count because you will regret it if you don’t. Even with a bad diagnosis people can live many years these days.

I wake up most days I feel very low, I go to work I try my hardest to have a laugh with people and look after my son. My mum has sacrificed a lot for me and I feel very guilty and sad I can’t do more. 

There’s no doubt that this stuff is easy I’m not saying that at all. I’ve spoken to my mum and she said whatever happens she wants me to carry on with my life and be happy. I’m sure your mums are both the same. Make it count…easier said than done I know. Try not to let it consume every single second of your life.

another thing I’d say is it Absolutly not your fault your mum has cancer. It happens to good people from all walks of life. You haven’t caused it. Try and get some support from any family or friends.

hope some of this helps and I’m sorry you are I. A similar position. It really is very tough x 

Hi Al, hope you are OK tonight? Stupid question I know   I totally agree with you to keep positive and talk about stuff , but it's so hard , rhe thing is with my mum is has had throat cancer and cannot still eat or drink so we can't even go for a meal, she had bleeding from the throat and has only stopped in the last six months so we are waiting now for a appointment to have her throat stretched so she can at least have a soft diet

And in the last few weeks has pain in her left side of her tummy , so waiting for a scan but the consultant has buggered up and either left it or forgot so another wait , it's so frustrating to think she it may have spread due to the consultant being lax, it's someone's life they mess up with ?

They go home and forget but we don't, do we? 

I know how you feel with waking up and feeling low and I think it's a dream but afraid not, take comfort in your son and enjoy the good times and keep going xx

Much love to you

Bex xx

Hi bex sorry for the late reply here. I’ve been doing ok all things considering and keeping busy as I can. Your right taking comfort in my son has been helpful. I think there is an element of just getting through the days, so you feel that? Some days are better than others but it creeps into your mind quite abit 

I feel you it sounds difficult with your mms situation with the eating and hard to go out and do anything. Yes the waiting is very difficult…not sure what it’s like near you but consultants strikes here and obviously that’s impacti mg everything. Not good if they’ve missed your appointment and adds to the stress and anxiety. My mum found out her cancer was back and spread in one appointment with the consultant. Another one was arranged for 10 days later or so to push things forward and she was left in limbo as the consultant was on holiday. I think the nature of their job is perhaps that they see people as patients rather than actual people - it’s frustrating and adds to it. Hope you’ve managed to sort the appointments.

how are you getting on this week? Just write on this group if it helps, think we are in similar situations all of us.

Sending lots of positivity and hugs your way. Al x x 

And how is your mum doing in herself? My mums very up and down and somewhat erratic at times. I dont blame her really 

Hi Al, well some good news I think, mum had a message from surgery saying there is a telephone appointment with doc next week regarding pain in the side so we are thinking if it was anything bad, they would of wanted to see her straight away, I wish they would just call really and put her mind at rest but district nurse called yesterday and said they would have called her in but it could be a trapped nerve, so hopefully that is what it is?

That's a bloody nightmare having to wait to see the consultant, your poor mum, it's horrible bloody waiting and it's put strain on you all.

I'm in North Wales and luckily no strikes here at the moment, but we did have a phone call from the consultant about her throat, it might not be possible to to stretch it which isn't good but he has asked for another  x ray so see what happens then.

Mum is in good spirits at the moment, a few little coach trips booked as we can't go far but something to look forward to.

It's natural for your mum to be up and down, I don't blame her either, has she got any good friends that can take her out for coffee or shopping? 

Bex