My son was re-admitted to hospital last weekend as his condition deteriorated. More secondaries from his kidney cancer were confirmed. Today the family had the devastating news from the team meeting that his cancer is so aggressive that there is nothing they can do for him, so for the first time I visited him in hospital, along with other family members. We took turns to see him, with his wife constantly at his side. To see my lad lying there, unable to do much but squeeze my hand, was unbearable. It's all happened so quickly - the first symptoms appearing just six weeks ago. Before that he was fit and active and living a full family life. He is as comfortable as possible, acknowledging our presence but unable to do much else. There's something very peaceful about him although he does become restless and agitated occasionally. He told his brother he just wanted to go to sleep. It all seems so unreal, as if we are dreaming it, then reality kicks in. The family support is strong, but I live on my own so times like this - 2.30 am and wide awake - are difficult. This is where this forum is helpful. A place to share with strangers in similar circumstances. There was talk of possibly moving him 'to somewhere else' so presumably a hospice, but that he may not survive the move. So we wait.
