I’m a cancer patient who is coming to the end of what appears to be successful treatment, but my husband has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer

Hi, 

I’m a bit numb right now. I’ve had treatment for high grade non Hodgkin lymphoma since the middle of last year and it seems to have been successful. Instead of being able to celebrate I’m in a tailspin as my husband has just been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. 

We’ve been together for 31 years and have 2 wonderful daughters. I’m trying to be strong and positive for them but am falling apart. My husband has gone from being a dynamic fun loving intelligent man, to someone who can’t focus and gets muddled and frustrated really easily, he hasn’t really grasped the severity of the situation which in some ways is good as he isn’t scared. The whole showing symptoms to diagnosed was 2 weeks. 

  • Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

    I can't begin to imagine how devastated you and your family must be after discovering that your husband has a brain tumour. You must have been getting ready to celebrate the successful conclusion of your treatment so no wonder you feel all over the place.

    I can see that you have joined the supporting someone with incurable cancer group and I'm sure if you post there you will find others who understand just what a hard time you're going through at the moment.

    You might also find joining one of the brain tumour groups useful for being able to ask questions and share experiences with others who have tumours or who are caring for someone with one. As you haven't said what type of tumour your husband has I'll provide links to both the brain tumours and glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour groups as they're the main groups.

    To join either of these groups just click on the links I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the pages that open. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about you and your husband's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

    Sending a supportive ((hug))

  • Many thanks for your reply and advice. I shall get on to those really soon. X

  • Hi Maddy,

    It's difficult just trying to imagine how distressing your situation is, not only for you but also your family. Even the joy that I hope you felt on hearing about the success of your own treatment has now been tainted by the news of your husbands condition. It would be extremely unusual, not to be thinking right now about how much you have lost, but even amongst this darkness I find it encouraging that you refer to your 2 wonderful daughters. Something that I believe is probably a source of great pride for you and your husband. Even though they are likely to be just as distressed as you are, I suspect that they will want to be the foundation of your support network, and perhaps they will have learned a lot from you whilst you were undergoing treatment, and with luck, they will see you as a good role model. I doubt very much if your daughters are the only things that you and your husband are proud of, but simply thinking about both your own and your husbands past achievements can be very helpful whenever we are feeling low, it may be difficult to drag them out of your memory, but perhaps, thinking about them will help you and your family to find a more hopeful way forward.

    This certainly isn't a recipe for instant results, but perhaps it will give you a different perspective from which you can move forward.

    Warmest regards to all of you.